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“But what about rent?” Lucas’s shoulders slump in defeat. “I can barely afford next month’s rent, let alone food.”
“We’ll help you,” says Hunter, still looking at me.
Lucas shakes his head. “I don’t want your help.”
“But you’re willing to ask your parents’?” I ask, not quite understanding his logic there. “When they will demand you satisfy their needs despite what you want?”
“Bro, you can always pay me back,” says Hunter. “I mean, you don’t have to. Up to you. I know you’re working your ass off. I don’t want you to feel-”
“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Lucas scowls at his plate. “Let’s just drop this. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
My hands fist. I wish could do more for Lucas. He looks so lost these days, like a different man. Before, he was so confident. I don’t know if that had something to do with his parents’ money. Maybe he’s always relied on it to get friends, to feel good about himself. I don’t know. I don’t know what I can do for him to make him feel better.
Instead, I slide out of the booth to pay. This dinner has turned out to be even more awkward than I thought it would be. Hunter is still on the fence and Lucas still has low self-esteem. The best thing to do is quit while I’m ahead. At least for now.
I wait for Hunter and Lucas by the door, watching them trudge towards me. Hunter has his hands in his pockets while Lucas has his attention focused on the carpeted floor. We leave the restaurant in silence and walk down the sidewalk, listening to drunken students cheering and stumbling home. Looking at them, I’m reminded of Seth and how he’d be leading the way home with a fist in the air, being equally if not more rowdy.
I miss him.
I miss the way we were, and I don’t know how to get that back. My gaze shifts to Hunter. His back faces me while Lucas walks a little behind. I need to do something. This can’t go on. I won’t let it.
I reach for Lucas’s arm and grab it, pulling him close to me. He stumbles to my side, his eyes flying to me with alarm as I reach for Hunter and drag him towards me. Hunter’s feet skitter, wobbling to keep himself steady while he sidles close to me.
“I’m sorry,” I say while glancing between my boys. “I don’t know what else I can say, and I hope you believe me. I care for the both of you— all of you. Very much.”
Hunter swallows but doesn’t say anything. Lucas remains quiet at my side.
“I know things won’t be able to go back to the way they were, but my feelings for you haven’t changed.”
Hunter nods. “I-I know. I realize that.”
"You do?”
He nods again, his gaze returning to the sidewalk. His body relaxes in my hold, and I lean against his arm, turning my gaze to Lucas. “And you know that, too, Lucas?”
Lucas nods, yet he doesn’t look at me. His shoulders are tense. His whole body seems wound tight, like a Jack-in-the-box about to explode. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that we are approaching the staircase to our apartment. I take the steps slowly. My arm slides away from both Hunter and Lucas so we can move in a single file line towards our door.
Silence greets us as we enter. The apartment is cast in dark shadows. Seth’s door is open, but no one comes out.He must be at a party. That revelation makes my heart crack. I don’t think he’ll do anything, but then again, it’s Seth. And it’s a very angry Seth. I try not to think of it as I step towards my room, needing my bed.
A hand on my wrist stops me, and I turn, finding Hunter holding me. His eyes are tearing and filled with worry and love. “I know you care for me, Rachel,” he says softly, tugging me towards him. “But do you love me?” I rest my hands against his chest, gazing up at him while he bows his head. His lips are just above mine, and all I want to do is go up on my tiptoes and kiss him. “Do you still love us?” he whispers.
With that question, Lucas appears behind me. His head buries into the crook of my shoulder while his arms wrap around me. I lean against him, but I don’t take my eyes away from Hunter. I know Lucas needs to hear this as much as Hunter and so I say, “Of course, I love you.” The words are spoken from the heart and tears stream down my cheeks as I stroke Hunter’s hair, his cheek. “I love all of you. Equally.”
Hunter presses his lips against mine. My entire body relaxes, and my arms wrap around his neck, holding him to me as I open for him. I’ve missed him so much. I’ve missed this— feeling him, tasting him, touching him. Lucas presses his lips against my neck, and I whimper, opening for them both. I know sex won’t solve everything, but we need this. We need to feel and touch each other, to know that we still care so deeply for one another.
Hunter stumbles backwards and I go with him. His kisses become more fevered. His tongue slides against mine, sloppy and lazy while Lucas grinds himself against my bottom. All three of us trip over each other’s feet into Hunter’s room. Lucas kicks the door closed while Hunter falls onto his bed. He strips off his shirt, discarding it on the floor while I unbutton his jeans. My fingers move deftly, desperate to have him naked under me. I straddle his hips. His hands reach for my shirt while I pull his jeans down.
Lucas presses into my back, shirtless. I can feel his washboard abs as he removes my shirt. Hunter kicks his jeans down his legs, shuffling his feet until I hear the pants plop onto the ground. Lucas unclips my bra and Hunter pushes my pants downward. I move to help him, lying flat on his stomach, pressing my naked breasts against his chest while I kick my pants down.
Hunter’s lips claim mine, and his hand snakes into my hair, grasping the strands tight and holding him to me. Lucas strokes my back, cupping my bottom before resuming his tender touches and kisses. I wiggle against him, feeling his hard cock push against me. Hunter rolls me over and we crawl up the bed until we’re facing each other, our heads on the pillows. My leg rests on his hip. Hunter’s fingers stroke up and down my thigh while Lucas slides his cock against my ass.
Lucas bites my neck and I hiss, feeling both pain and pleasure mix together. Hunter slides his fingers into my front, his thumb stroking my clit while his finger presses inside me, eliciting a gasp from my lips. I reach for Hunter, wanting to kiss him, but he chuckles and pulls away. Lucas kisses a path from the base of my neck to my ear. He sucks at the lobe, and I shudder, leaning into his touch and desperate for more. Hunter continues circling around my little nub. I don’t know what to do. There’s too much going on. My body feels wound so tight.
Lucas laces his fingers with mine and I squeeze his hand tight, wiggling my ass against him again, desperate for him to fill me up. His cock presses into me. I whimper, tossing my head back when I feel Hunter adding pressure. My gaze flies to him, seeing him smiling at me. His gaze drunk with lust, yet he waits patiently, watching me as if I’m some porno star putting on a show for him.
“Hunter,” I moan, leaning towards him. “I want you.” I press my lips against him and with that single touch his fingers release me. His cock thrusts lightly towards my entrance and I feel him there, waiting for him to thrust into me.
I moan in frustration when he doesn’t.
