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The apartment door thuds open and both Seth and I turn toward the sound, finding Alex coming inside, his face flushed as he gasps for breath. Music blasts in his AirPods and I can vaguely make out the words while he kicks off his shoes and unzips his jacket.
“Hey,” Alex says with a bright smile, taking one of the headphones out of his ear while he approaches us. “Coach postponed practice. Oh, what’s this?” he asks while taking my leftovers from Seth’s hands. Without bothering to grab a fork, he picks at the eggs with his fingers, eating them without a care about germs.
I turn to Seth, expecting him to scold Alex or yell at him, but his eyes are focused on Alex’s lips and his nostrils are flared. Seth takes a step back, his body turning away from Alex and me, his shoulders tense as if he’s upset about something.
Alex gags and quickly sets the plate down. “Damn, that is spicy.” He gags again and his hand seizes the faucet, quickly turning it on. He nudges Seth out of the way and leans forward to guzzle down the water. Seth stands there, watching him, a look in his eye that I recognize. It’s the same look he gave me when we were just beginning our relationship—one conveying need and confusion. My head tilts as I regard him, wondering what exactly is going on. I haven’t seen him look this utterly confused before, and I worry he might slip back into his bad old habits.
“Ugh,” Alex continues while wiping the water from his mouth. He turns the faucet off and rubs his throat, his hand sliding down to his stomach. Seth’s gaze follows the movement. “It’s like my tongue is on fire. Who made this?” Alex asks while looking between us.
Seth rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t for you.”
“Then who was it for?”
Seth sighs and doesn’t say anything.
Alex bats Seth’s shoulder, his frown deepening. “Hey! I thought we were running together this morning? You weren’t up at six and so I went without you.”
“I wasn’t feeling well,” Seth says with a shrug.
My eyes narrow.Not feeling well, my ass,I think while my gaze slides to the discarded breakfast on the counter. Alex’s gaze follows mine and I can tell he doesn’t believe a word coming out of Seth’s mouth. His mouth opens, and I worry they’re going to begin fighting again. Things have been so nice since Alex and Seth have made amends. I don’t think I can handle another year filled with bickering and shouting.
“Hey, Alex,” I say quickly before he can start anything with Seth. My arm slides around his waist and with one hand on his cheek, I turn his attention to me. “Mike is having a party tonight. You want to join me and Seth? It’ll be fun to get out for a change.”
“What?” Seth says, his voice laced with anger. He steps toward us, but I hold out a hand while I smile up at Alex.
“What do you say? It’ll be fun.”
I’m vaguely aware of Seth crossing his arms while I stare up at Alex. I have no clue what Seth’s deal is. Alex hasn’t done anything to earn his ire. He took him to Boulder for photo shoots, helped him get new running clothes, goes training with him, and has been an absolutely amazing friend for the past five months. Why doesn’t Seth want Alex to join us?
“Yeah,” Alex says with a nod. “That sounds great. I’ll meet both of you there.”
I clap my hands together excitedly. “Perfect!”
Alex faces Seth, his brows pinching together with worry. “All right, so maybe a run tomorrow? If we’re not too hungover?” He chuckles nervously while Seth continues staring at the floor.
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Seth murmurs.
Alex’s shoulders slump and I watch him step toward his room, closing the door softly behind him. I turn back to Seth, seeing that his gaze is still on the floor. Something is going on, but what? What happened in Boulder? Why won’t either of them tell me? I thought we were past this. I thought we understood each other and had the kind of relationship where we could speak to one another, no matter what it was. Why do I feel like these relationships, with Seth, Alex, and Hunter, are merely going to wind up like my parents? I won’t be like my parents. I won’t allow us to stop talking to each other, to stop growing together.
“What the hell was that?” I ask Seth, keeping my voice low so Alex doesn’t hear.
Seth sighs. “Nothing. It’s none of your business.”
“What do you mean it’s none of my business?” I ask while placing my hands on my hips. “Alex has been nothing but nice to you and you treat him like he’s the plague.”
Seth rolls his eyes and strides past me, heading toward his room. “It has nothing to do with you, Rachel.”
I grab Seth’s arm and turn him around. His eyes are wide with alarm. He looks worried. His body is trembling. “It has everything to do with me,” I whisper. “Please, don’t keep things from me. If you and Alex are fighting about something, I would like to know.”
Seth’s gaze softens and he presses his forehead against mine. “We’re not fighting,” he whispers. “I just… I don’t… give me some time, Rachel. I will tell you in my own time, but there’s nothing for you to worry about.” He strokes the back of his hand against my cheek and I lean into the touch, enjoying his warmth. “I promise there is nothing for you to concern yourself with.”
I give him a weak nod and release his arm, watching him continue on to his room. As soon as the door is closed, I turn on my heel, grab my coat and my purse, and run out of the apartment. Tears spring to my eyes, but I quickly shake them away. I need to keep busy. At least I am meeting with Charlie for coffee before class. I can tell her what’s going on in my life. I’m sure she can offer some advice.
I grab my phone and check my messages, hoping Hunter has messaged me. My heart flutters and I smile as I see I have something in my inbox.It must be Hunter,I think while quickly tapping on the app.It’s most likely his apology and excuse for last night. He probably got injured or practice ran over much later than he thought it would.
My feet pause on the sidewalk and my teeth grind together as I see it’s not Hunter who has messaged me, but Charlie. My brows tent into a deep scowl and I inhale deeply to keep my rage to myself.Sorry,Charlie’s message reads,Gotta cancel. Coffee next time, k?
I throw my phone back into my purse and stomp toward the campus town, desperately needing coffee now.It’s not that big of a deal,I tell myself as I move briskly, my body shivering in the autumn cold, my hair blowing in the wind.It’s not like she cancels on me all the time to see her mystery man,I think sarcastically. I haven’t hung out with Charlie in a very long time. It’s like, ever since she got a boyfriend, I’ve become invisible to her; like she doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore. Did I act like this when I started dating the bros? I can’t remember. Everything happened so long ago, but I thought for sure I tried to live a balanced life. Maybe I acted the same as Charlie. Still, I feel like crap.
