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“Have you spoken with the father yet?” Dr. Adams asks while I pull down my shirt. She hands me the sonogram, and without a second thought, my fingers stroke the black-and-white image of my child.
“No,” I say, my voice hardly above a whisper. “I really haven’t had the chance to.”
“Well, I don’t want to scold you, but you’re cutting it kind of close here,” Dr. Adams says.
I sigh and nod, placing the sonogram into a small pocket in my purse. “I know.”
“You should tell him as soon as possible. Preferably now.”
“I know,” I say, forcing a smile. I know she’s right. I would have told them from the beginning, but here’s the thing: I have no clue who the father is. I have narrowed it down to two options, but that’s not even one-hundred percent. And, I know Seth is going to be… Seth. It can swing either way. He could be angry about being the father or not being the father. He could be ecstatic or go ballistic. I have no clue. And right now, I really don’t want to find out.
“Alright, enough said,” says Dr. Adams while guiding me toward the door. “I’ll see you back in here on September 24th. Then we’ll set up your prenatal appointments. You take care, Rachel.”
“Thank you,” I say while stepping out of the room and into the waiting room, where I’m once again greeted by toddlers playing on the floor and mothers either cradling their babies close or entertaining their little ones.
I nod to them as I step toward the exit, waiting until I’m outside to use my cell phone to get a cab. I know I should limit my cell phone use, and I do, but it’s been such a pain. I use it for everything. One more thing I can’t do while pregnant that I took for granted. I shove my phone into my purse, hoping that it somehow stops whatever radio waves are being emitted, and wait for the car to arrive.
This truly is going to be one hell of a school year. It’s my last one, and I should be receiving my diploma in May next year. I’ve worked so hard to get to this point, and nothing is going to hold me back. The little bun is due at the end of December or the beginning of January. My hope is to go to school until winter break begins, which is the beginning of December, and then maybe take the first month or two off next year. It depends on how much time I need to heal and how I adjust to being a new mom. I can always retake classes over the summer, which will push back my graduation to August, but that’s fine. So long as I graduate next year. That’s all I want.
I wave a hand when I see the license plate of a blue car heading my way, recognizing it as my cab driver. As soon as it stops in front of me, I ease my way inside, thinking of all the things I will need to do to prepare for this school year and the baby. I watch the trees pass me by, thankful the driver isn’t in a chatty mood. My stomach lurches, and I swallow bile, breathing in and out slowly to calm the morning sickness threatening to spill over.It won’t be long until I’m home,I remind myself, smiling as I think of the new house and all the space we have compared to that crummy old apartment.
It wasn’t that long ago when I moved into the bro house, the floor sticking to the bottom of my shoes, caked in beer stains from too much beer pong and flip cup. I can still remember Seth yelling down at me from the window, his hair wild and gravity-defying. That place held so many memories. It will forever have a place in my heart. But now, after all these years, we’re living in an actual house, with a room for each of us, with the kitchen separated from the living room and a backyard my little bun can play in once they’re able to walk.
I wonder if we can build a swing set or get a sandbox—someplace where they can laugh and run around. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I still need to get a bassinet, clothes, a stroller, and a mountain of diapers.
And I need to tell the bros.
The driver pulls into the driveway, and I let out a sigh of relief as I swing the door open, ready to run inside and vomit whatever is left in my stomach. Slamming the door shut, I inhale big gulps of the fresh air, slowing my step, so Hunter and Lucas don’t get any suspicions when I enter. My fingers slide into my purse, searching for my keys, feeling the cool metal against my skin.
“Hello!” I shout as I unlock the door and push it open, finding Lucas and Hunter standing in the living room, blowing up red, white, and blue balloons. “I’m home.”
Hunter is the first to notice me, his smile is contagious. He ties his red balloon quickly before throwing it in the air. I watch it float to the floor while Hunter strides toward me. I take a step back, preparing for a bear hug, which I usually love, but these days I must abstain from. The moment he pulls me in, he will know something is different.
“Do you think this looks dumb?” Lucas asks from behind Hunter, still tying his blue balloon and frowning at the mess of streamers, pointy hats, and the welcome banner surrounding him.
Honestly, it looks like a mess, but I can’t say that. Hunter and Lucas have been looking forward to Alex and Seth’s return. Perhaps even more than me. I don’t want to rain on their little party, so I say sweetly, “It’ll look great once the banner is hung and all the balloons are tied.”
“How was the library?” Hunter asks, stroking the hair away from my face.
I lean into his touch, briefly forgetting about my nausea. “Fine,” I breathe, my gaze traveling over his broad shoulders and his strong chest. He looks so good in a tank top and shorts. His skin is golden from spending the whole summer lifeguarding at the pool. Sweat slides down the side of his face. We may have a house, but we don’t have the money for AC. Usually, it feels like death, but right now, Hunter looks so good.
There is one plus side of this whole pregnancy thing. My libido is on fire, and having two young men to satiate every single one of my desires hasn’t been too bad.
“What were you doing at the library?” Lucas asks while raising an eyebrow at me.
Yeah, that’s the downside: lying. I’m not good at it, and I hate doing it. I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. “Reading course work,” I say with a shrug, making my way toward the stairs. “Getting ahead, so the school year isn’t so tough.”
Lucas purses his lips, obviously not buying it. “There’s reading involved in an art degree?”
“Of course,” I say, mentally patting my back for not rolling my eyes. Yes, there is reading involved in an Arts degree. I need to learn different styles, then there’s art history and a plethora of other interesting things. Before Lucas says anything else, I quickly add, “I’ll help you decorate in a minute. I just want to powder my nose.”
Lucas’s chuckle follows me up the stairs. I step carefully, keeping my pace slow. The house is big, but you can still hear everything, including running. I push open the bathroom door and lock it in place before lunging toward the toilet, puking up the granola bar I had earlier.
My hands grip the toilet, and I wretch again, clamping my eyes shut, hoping this passes soon. Even when I don’t eat, I feel nauseous. I even made Hunter change his deodorant because the smell made me puke so much. I don’t know what I’m going to do once Alex and Seth return. Two pairs of prying eyes are hard enough. Four? Impossible. Someone is going to discover my secret. Seth is going to think something is up.
I push myself away from the toilet and, on wobbling legs, turn to the sink, running the water and taking several mouthfuls of the chilled liquid. I’ll just take it one day at a time. Seth and Alex might be too busy trying to figure out their next steps to notice me. Or, maybe, tonight is the night to tell them, now that everyone is home. It’s probably for the best. We can go into the school year knowing that we will be one big happy family. Maybe. Hopefully.
I sigh and shove open the door, my hands shaking as I think of all the things that could go wrong with announcing such a big secret the night Alex and Seth return. They already have so much on their minds after training. It’s probably best to wait a week…
