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“Will you just answer the question?” Mikhail takes an impatient breath.
Do I want to tell them? I mean, they should understand. But I’m so tired now, I can always tell them later. “Guys, I promise, I’ll tell you. Can we just go to bed and talk about it when the sun comes up?” We all have work in the next few hours.
“Where were you, Julissa?!” Mikhail yells.
For crying out loud, who the fuck is he talking to? I look at his red eyes and droopy bags. I’ll let this one slide because I can tell he is tired. Fine, I guess they deserve to know the truth.
“Okay, shit. This is a fucking lot.” I clear the guns away and take a seat.
“You okay, babe?” Calder’s eyebrows raise as he makes his way over to me.
“What, don’t I look okay?” I ask him with a slight smile, staring up at him as he begins to lower himself next to me.
“As soon as you sat down, I saw the life drain from your body,” he confirmed, resting his hand on top of mine. “Why did you disappear for so long?” His tone was a lot smoother and kind so I squeezed his hand and touched my head to his shoulder in thanks before releasing his hand and bringing my body away from his. What I’m about to say is extremely sensitive and to gather up the strength to say it, I don’t need loving and understanding touches that melt me at the moment. I need to be brave.
I take a deep breath. “I uh…” I’m surprised at my voice. It’s barely a whisper. I clear my throat and try to speak again. “I saw my father today.”
The whole room is quiet and I almost think they haven’t heard me so I look up to make sure they have and they’re all staring at me, wide-eyed, frozen in shock. I’m not sure where to look as they continue to stare and I look away.
“I thought the old fucker croaked,” Calder finally said.
“So did I,” I say in agreement. “Well, at least I assumed at the rate he was going the drugs would kill him but well, unlucky me.”
“Holy shit, Julissa. That must have been terrible.” Axel moves quickly toward me and lowers himself before me giving me eye contact but not touching me as if he can sense that I might shatter if he did. But his support gives me some comfort.
I look up at Mikhail who has only moved toward a stool on the other side of the room to take a seat.
“Is that why you were gone all day?” Calder asks.
As I’m about to answer, I inhale deeply and I feel a short burst of sobs escape me on the exhale. That’s when Mikhail crosses the room and scoops me up, wrapping his arms around me. I push against him, shoving at his chest to release me, and tears stream down my face but he holds me close, squeezes me tighter, and eventually, I surrender, placing my head in the crook of his neck and sobbing. “It’s okay,” he whispers as I try to contain my cries. “You’re okay.” Once my body stops shaking, he sets me down and checks me over before letting me go.
I turn to face them all now. “Yes, Cal. I followed him.”
Again, more wide eyes. Mikhail turns away from me now, trying to contain something within him before spinning back around and asking me in a low tone, his face hardened as if he’s clenching his jaw. “You didn’t fucking kill the man, did you?”
And in my sensitivity, I become defensive and respond. “What the fuck do you care? You care whether the fucker lives or dies?”
He mutters under his breath and creates more distance between us as he walks all the way across the room, stomping, and back. Yet he speaks in the most sarcastic sense of calm I’ve ever heard from him. “No, Julissa. I was just wondering if you know, we’ve got to start looking for another place to hide out, that’s all.”
I don’t like his tone, and I certainly don’t like the connotation that if I did that, I would be the one to fuck things up for us. I thought he would’ve supported me on this. Now I’m not so sure. Still, maybe I’m just feeling a little too sensitive right now and this is exactly the reason why I didn’t kill him because I care about the safety of these men. So I decide to relieve him of his worry. “No, I didn’t. I just followed him.”
Mikhail lets out another heavy breath. Tonight’s filled with those. He takes a seat across the room as if he can’t bear to be near me at the moment and my heart hurts.
“Julissa,” Calder calls out and I turn to look at both him and Axel seated on the sofa. He pats the space between him and Axel and calls me to sit down. “So, how are you feeling?” he asks as I go over to them.
“Confused. Angry. Afraid,” I answer.
Axel cuddles me. “He can’t harm you anymore.”
“Yet, it seems he’s already starting to,” I say as I look at Mikhail who is having difficulties even looking at me and I’m already missing the warmth of that brief hug we just shared. I snuggle into Axel’s embrace.
“You’ve got us now and we promise, we aren’t going anywhere,” Calder adds, holding my hand and stroking the back of it.
We sit there in silence as Axel runs his hand through my hair.
“Where did you even see him?” Calder breaks the silence.
I look up at Mikhail who has still got his head turned away from me. Why the fuck is he being like this? At a time like this, I wouldn’t expect him to be treating me like I did something wrong.
