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“What the hell are you talking about?” she asks if I’m the one that’s off my rocker.
I corner her, leaning over her. “Look woman, I love you, I do. But I also know you. I know you’re a fucking psychopath and I accept that about you. But you can’t tell me that with every day that passes, you’re not going through withdrawals. I know how much this new life is killing you and it makes you just want to kill, doesn’t it?”
“Mikhail, that’s not what this is about?” she says, looking away from me.
Chapter 9
Calder
Mypulseisdeafeningas its gasoline races through my veins sparking a fire in my feet trying to push me forward. I clamp down on my energy, containing myself. Mikhail cowering over Julissa and barking in her face is making me see red. I can smell his testosterone forcing her to submit to him and I ball my fists up in resistance. The doubt on Julissa’s face and her shifting eyes is churning something in my stomach that makes it impossible for me to sit still.
I launch myself from the couch, grabbing him by the shoulder, pulling him away from her. “Hey, leave her alone. Give her some space, man. What the hell is wrong with you?”
He turns around to look at me with his shoulders stiff and his jaw clenched shut as if he’s grinding his teeth so hard together, they’re just going to break apart in his mouth. “Stay out of this,” he growls and shoves my hand off his shoulder while he turns back to face her.
Like hell, I will. That’s my woman he’s harassing, making her look so unlike herself, so much more insecure while she questions her reality. It’s gut wrenching and it’s causing shivers of nausea to run up and down my body, making me ill. “Nah, man. I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with you. Maybe you should go sleep it off,” I say, grabbing him by the shoulder again, staring him down.
“Man, I’m warning you,” he says under his breath.
“And I’m warning you. Who the fuck do you think you are? You think you’re the boss of all of us? If she says she saw her father, she saw her fucking father! Who the hell are you to tell her that she’s wrong?” I bark.
I grit my teeth, the impulse to knock him the fuck out only a breath away.
“Will you fuck off? I was just managing to…” he starts.
“To what? Sway her? Make her doubt what her own eyes and ears are telling her? I don’t know what the fuck’s gotten into you but I suggest you leave the room right now,” I enforce, refusing to break eye contact, walking toward him, daring him to give me a reason to punch his fucking lights out with all the sleep I’ve missed today.
“And leave her with you so you can just make things worse?” He scoffs. “No, thank you. I think I’ll stay here.”
“Make things worse?! Me? Have you seen yourself? If you’re gonna stay in here with us, you’re gonna treat her with some respect.” I put my body in between both of them.
“And I haven’t been? But it doesn’t mean I can’t say what’s on my mind and call out some bullshit when I see it.” He challenges me.
“The only bullshit I smell in this room is coming from you,” I say, turning away from him and around to face Julissa.
“You okay, babe?” I ask her.
“I could’ve dealt with it.” She smiles slightly up at me. “But thanks, Cal.”
I rub her arm, hearing Mikhail sigh heavily in the background. I ignore him.
“I think we should all go get some sleep because some of us aren’t acting like ourselves, take the day off and you can let us in on some more details about your father. We can talk about what you wanna do next and all.” I take a deep breath and let it out.
“What do you mean what she wants to do next? For fuck sake, Calder, am I gonna have to lock you both up in the house?” he yells.
“The fuck you will!” I spin around to face him.
He walks around me toward Julissa and I watch him, guarding her. He reaches out for her. “Julissa, you understand that I was just trying to get through to you right?”
She slaps his hand away. He rubs at his face aggressively, getting the sleep from his eyes. He growls. “Just fucking great. So now we’re going to have to prepare ourselves for another one of Julissa’s murdering rampages because she can’t control herself and just watch her possibly kill an innocent man, sending us on the run again. Is that what you’re fucking saying, Calder?”
“He’s not innocent, Mikhail!” Julissa yells. “I didn’t say I was gonna kill him. I won’t say I don’t want to but I care about your safety and I won’t risk it for us. I just hoped that we could talk about it, that I’d maybe get some help to figure some stuff out. I didn’t expect this from you, Mikhail. Is everything okay with you?”
“Oh sure, dandy. Of course, everything’s not okay. You think I’m not struggling just as bad as all of you? Of course, I fucking am. I left everything I knew behind for love and I don’t regret it but sure yeah, it’s hard. I loved being a fucking cop, if only being a fucking cop helped me to actually be on the right side of the law then we probably wouldn’t be in this mess. But we are, okay? We took the risk and I know the consequences. So as much as it’s fucking hard, I’m trying to keep shit together and I don’t want to feel like I’m the only trying to do so,” he pours out.
I’m still infuriated so I find it hard to feel empathy. Instead, I spit out. “You’re the only one trying?”
“That’s what it feels like.Youthink I just want to be in control because I enjoy the power butIfeel like I have to work overtime to make sure everything doesn’t fall apart because I’m freaking out every fucking minute of the day, just like everyone. I just want us all to be safe,” Mikhail says.
