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And if we happen to exchange oral favors in the shower, not stopping even after Carter comes home and screams my name for making a mess—well, that’s between us.
A FEW DAYS PASS of Paige and I sneaking around, and we’ve only slipped up once. I went over to visit her dad, and the three of us chatted for a bit about why hockey was better when there weren't so many safety rules. When Paige went into the kitchen to grab something to drink, I excused myself for the bathroom, and instead, went to find her. If we had known her mom was home, we probably wouldn't have started making out, but we didn't.
And she caught us.
I thought it would be more uncomfortable than it was, but I guess with aging comes maturity. It probably would have been mortifying if we were sixteen or something. But instead, we're twenty-year-old adults. However, I did hear Paige tell her mom she doesn't want to hear a word about it as she followed me back into the living room. Secretly though, I think her mom has been champing for us to get together for a while.
The one thing I still can't manage to stop is taking the pills. I don't want to. They help take the edge off, and I'm afraid that if I don't take them, Paige might realize she doesn't want to be with such a broken mess of a man. Hell, I couldn't blame her. And besides, I like the way they make me feel, but apparently I can only hide it for so long, and that time has run out.
"What do you want for dinner tonight?" Paige asks. "I want to bring my dad some soup from Vestuitos."
Today is Sunday, and Paige slept over last night, which has gotten me off my scheduled hits. My head feels like it's about to cave in, and all I want to do is punch a fucking hole in every wall in this place. So, I have to take a risk.
"I could do Italian," I tell her as I rummage through my nightstand, trying to look inconspicuous.
Trying to go for casual, I don't even check to see if she's looking before I sneak the pill into my mouth and swallow it down with water. My mistake, though, because when I turn around, she's staring straight at me with furrowed brows.
"What was that?"
Shit. Think fast. "Tylenol? I have a headache."
She gets up from the desk and comes over to me. "Yeah? Show me the bottle."
"What?"
"Show me the bottle."
The look on her face tells me that Carter’s been running his mouth. I have two options: lie or tell the truth. And being as lying hasn't done me much good with her in the past, I go with the only one I feel like might kee
p her from leaving.
"Paige," I say her name like she's going to run. And she might.
She takes a step away as I try to reach for her. "It wasn't Tylenol, was it?"
I shake my head but don't make eye contact with her. I can't bring myself to. I don't think I would be able to handle that judgmental look on her face. I've seen her give it to others, and it's fucking brutal.
"Why?" she questions.
"It helps."
It's probably not the best explanation, but it's all I can manage right now.
She scoffs and starts pacing the room. "Therapy helps, Jace. Doctor-prescribed medication. Not something you picked up from Pablo off the street corner."
"It's Rinaldo."
"I don't care!"
Her tone makes me feel like I want to go on the defensive, until she takes a deep breath. She comes over to me and places her hands on either side of my face.
"I just don't want anything to happen to you, Jace," she says with so much honesty it damn near knocks me on my ass. "Those drugs are dangerous. Promise me you'll stop."
The mere thought of giving up the pills makes me feel like I'm going to have a massive anxiety attack, but the thought of losing Paige feels like my entire world is going to fall apart in an instant. There is no winning here. I can't have one without the other. She will leave me either way.
It's wrong. So wrong it's sinful. But the next words to come out of my mouth are the only thing I can reason with. They're a massive lie, and bound to cause more harm than good, but it's all I've got.
"I promise you I will try."
