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My eyes widen just slightly. "Here? Now?"
Nodding, he releases me and grabs my hand. He pulls me up the stairs and into a bedroom that I've never seen before. I look around and realize it must be a guest room, because there’s nothing personal at all about the space. Jace, however, couldn't care less about where we are, because he immediately shuts the door and pushes me up against it.
"Fuck, Paige," he moans, but just as I go to kiss him, I feel like something is off.
"Wait," I tell him.
I push him back a little and look him over. He tries to avoid my gaze until I grab his face and force him to look at me. His eyes are glassy, and judging by the way dread fills his expression, I'm right.
"Oh my God!" I shove him away from me. "You're fucking high."
He throws his head back and groans. "Paige."
"No," I snap. "Don't fucking Paige me. You told me less than a fucking week ago that you would try to stop!"
"And I tried! I couldn't do it!"
I place a hand on my hip and look him up and down with utter disgust. "You didn't try. A few days isn't fucking trying."
Not caring what he has to say, I turn around and swing the door open before marching out into the hallway. I make my way down the stairs and out the door before I realize he's following me. It isn't until I get out to the sidewalk that I hear his voice.
"Paige, just wait. Okay?"
I stop and turn around to face him. "What, Jace? What is it? What excuse are you going to give me? Did you accidentally take another one? Or seven for that matter? What the fuck is it?"
He looks hurt for a second but quickly masks it over. "You know what? Fine. Go. Get out of here."
"What?"
Throwing his hands in the air, it looks like he's completely giving up. "That's what you were going to do anyway, wasn't it? So, just go! You'll be better off without me anyway."
Hearing the brutal honesty in his words threatens to break me. "Why would you think that?"
"Why wouldn't I?" he roars. "It's the truth. I'm a mess. A fucked-up shell of a man who can't do one fucking thing right, aren't I? I can't keep you happy. I can't make my parents believe there's nothing wrong with me. I can't even sleep at night. You'd be better off with someone who isn't such a goddamn mess."
He sits down on the step and cradles his head in his hands, and I can't resist going over to him, no matter how mad I am.
"You should leave." As soon as I take a seat next to him, I pull him into me, and he goes willingly, in spite of his words.
I shake my head and press my lips to the top of his head. "I'm not leaving you. I won't. Not like this."
The realization of how broken he really is hits me like a truck, and my mom's words from earlier this week start to run through my mind. She was right. I'm going to find a way to help him.
I have to.
Do you ever feel like you hit a point where everything is either going to fall to pieces or not, and you just want it over and done? Like, you don't want it to happen, but it needs to, and it's going to be a pivotal point for you regardless of what you do? I feel like that was Zayn's party.
The fight I had with Paige is not one I'm proud of. I never in a million years intended on letti
ng her know how fucked up I really am. In all honesty, I tried really hard to hide that part of me from her, but that night, I couldn't do it.
Watching her walk out that door scared the shit out of me. The anger and disappointment on her face was enough to knock the damn wind out of me. And the only option I had was to tell her the truth–that I'm no fucking good for her.
I thought she would leave me. She should have run for the fucking hills and never looked back. But she didn't. She saw me breaking right in front of her, and she stayed just to hold me together. There isn't a thing anyone can say that would convince me I deserve her, but I'm also not going to push her away if she's willing to say.
Call me a selfish son of a bitch, I don't care.
I need her.
