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I'm writing this because after listening to what Zayn said, I'm worried about what you might think of me while I'm going through this.
You are a remarkable woman. I don't know if you know that, but I do. You have a heart of gold and never fail to see the good in people, even when you shouldn't. I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I hope you never leave.
Seeing you almost walk out that door was exactly what I needed. The thought of losing you again felt like a scorching hot rod going straight through my heart. I don't think I've ever needed much of anything in my life, but fuck, I need you.
So, please. Anything I say while I'm coming off the drugs, don't listen to it. None of it is true. You are, and always have been, the best thing in my life. But don't tell Carter. He gets a little green sometimes.
Thank you for everything,
Jace
I read it over three more times before finally putting it inside my purse.
Maybe everything really will be okay.
Let's hope.
It takes five days before the sight of the sun doesn't make me feel like a vampire who could burst into flames at any moment. I'm finally able to sit up on the couch, and the sound of people talking doesn't make my fist twitchy with the need to punch something.
Paige sits next to me as she flips through my old yearbook from senior year. It's almost comical, looking at how much we thought we were adults back then. We had no idea what life was like. Hell, we probably still don't.
"It's fun to look at this and see all the people who are dating now that weren't dating when we were in high school," she says.
"Really? Like who?"
To say I haven't paid attention to pretty much anyone who I went to high school with is an understatement. I basically only know the whereabouts of Carter, Paige, and Becca because Paige talks about her. Other than that, Grayson, Wyatt, and Hayden text me from time to time, but that's it.
She shrugs. "Holly and Taylor."
My brows raise. "They're dating? Taylor hated her."
"They got together the summer after we graduated."
"Wow. I could have sworn Taylor was gay."
Chuckling, she shakes her head. "No, but Nate is."
"No he's fucking not." There's no way.
She nods. "He is. Him and Jesse are practically engaged at this point."
"Jesse is gay, too?"
Damn. Good for him, I guess, but I never expected that. Then again, if I was gay, I probably wouldn't have come out in high school. People are too critical, and you're essentially becoming the target of bigoted people who don't have open enough minds to realize that you being gay has absolutely no effect on them.
As she flips further into the yearbook, a thought comes to mind. "You know, you never told me who you lost your virginity to."
She freezes for a second. "What?"
"The first time we had sex, you said that you'd done it before, it had just been a while," I explain. "But you never said who with."
As she lets out a deep breath, she looks at me nervously. "You."
My jaw drops in shock. "You lied?"
She looks away and elbows me in the side. "Can you blame me? You had sex with like half the damn school before we hooked up. I didn't want to seem like some inexperienced little girl."
"I, uh. I didn't—have sex with half the school, I mean," I admit.
