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Tessa leaves with Carter, Jace, Tye, and Paige. Tye gets to the door and turns around, looking at Kennedy.
“You coming or are you staying here?” she asks her.
Kennedy looks at me, and as much as I'd love for her to stay, I think for once, I need her to go.
“It's okay,” I tell her. “Go sleep in your bed. I'm just going to shower, and I'll see you in the morning.”
The way she frowns tells me that's not the answer she was looking for, but she does it anyway, after giving me a sweet kiss on my cheek. It lingers, long after she's gone, and I give the best smile I can manage to Zayn and Amelia as I go upstairs.
I walk straight into my bathroom, turning on the water to scolding hot. As I peel my clothes off and let them pile onto the floor, my phone rings, and Knox's name appears on the screen. I answer it and put it on speaker.
“Yo.”
He sighs. “Fuck, E. I just got Zayn's text. Do you need me to come there? I can get on the next flight.”
I tilt my head back and rock it from side to side to crack my neck. “No.”
“Okay,” he replies. “But I've been there. A lot is going to go through your head the next few days you need to be aware of so you can handle it better.”
Putting the phone down on the sink, I don't have to say anything before he continues.
“Don't be surprised if you start obsessing over your victim. His family. His friends. His life before this shit. And you're going to go numb. It's going to feel good at first because you won't feel anything, but you can't keep yourself in that place. You need to keep...”
His voice fades into the background as I get in the shower. The water scorches my skin as it washes away the remainder of Alec's blood. I put my hands on the wall and just let it burn every inch of me, as the last part of me that was alive inside dies.
I've never been more sure.
I'm nothing but a monster.
