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All I know is I have a lot to think about.
EASTON ROCKS KAYN IN his arms, shushing me as I come into the room. He puts him down in his crib and we carefully walk out the door. He shuts it behind us and we both go down the hall.
“It took forever to get him down for some reason,” he tells me.
I sit on the bed and lean against the wall. “Do you think he's sick?”
He shakes his head. “He skipped his last nap because Amelia was playing with him. Overtired Kayn is a tiny dictator that could take over the world, I swear.”
A small laugh leaves my mouth. Easton goes into the bathroom and starts the shower. He takes his shirt off and tosses it into the basket.
“Is everything you own covered in spit up or is it just my clothes?”
It's meant to be a joke, but it goes right over my head as I'm lost in thought. And before I can second guess myself, I open my mouth and let the words come out.
“My mom thinks I should move home,” I announce.
His back is to me as I say it, and I watch as he freezes. “Oh?”
“Yeah. She thinks I should transfer to a school down there so they can watch the baby while I finish my degree.”
He nods, still not looking at me. “And how do you feel about that idea?”
I swallow down a lump in my throat. “Well, at first I thought she was nuts. But the more I think about it, the more I think she might have a point. I mean, what's our plan if I stay here? Who keeps going to school? Who is going to get a job? What's our plan, E?”
There's a part of me, a huge part, that is begging for him to fight for me.
To tell me not to go.
To demand that I not even consider this ridiculous idea.
To at the very least put up an argument.
But my heart drops as he leans against the doorway and looks down at the ground. “Well, if that's what you want to do, I won't stop you. But we'll have to come up with a plan for Kayn because I'm not a deadbeat dad. I won't abandon him, no matter where you're at.”
The urge to scream is overwhelming as I realize we really are just friends. Just coparents. Just two people who happened to have a baby together after the relationship went sour. And the worst part of all is that I blame myself. The little voice in my head tells me that I should have stayed from the get go. I should have pushed through the hard times and given him more time to fix it. Maybe then we wouldn't have ended up here.
“O-okay.” I run my fingers through my hair and force myself to look away from him. “We can do that. Sure.”
He pushes off the doorway and closes the bathroom door before getting in the shower, and I'm left to hold myself together as the reality makes it hard to breathe.
AMELIA COMES HOME FROM work early one night, when Easton and Zayn are out celebrating Zayn's bachelor party. Knox flew in this morning, and apparently the idea of waiting to have a guys’ night was too much for them. I guess I can't blame two out of the three. Easton spends most of his time helping me take care of Kayn while Z has to hear him cry in the middle of the night.
What started as their bachelor pad now has two women and a baby living in it.
Tossing down her purse, Amelia makes grabby hands at the baby. “Okay. I need nephew time.”
I hand him over willingly. “Take him. I could use the break.”
“That bad?” she asks.
“I mean, he's a good baby. But he's a total daddy's boy.” I run my fingers through my hair as I deliver the news I know is going to wreck her. “It's going to be hard for him to adjust when I leave for Texas.”
She keeps her attention on Kayn, playing with his tiny hands as she talks to me. “Oh, are you going to visit your parents?”
“No,” I tell her, and then pause to get a handle on myself. “I'm moving back to Texas.”
Her eyes double in size as her head whips up to face me. “You're what? No. No, you're not.”
