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Amelia Donovan
Knox Vaughn
If there were any messages that I wasn't meant to see, especially those with Tessa, they're long gone. I switch over to his recent calls, but there's nothing there either. I should be relieved, but instead, I'm even more worried.
How could there be nothing to find after he just spent months lying to me about where he was at least a couple times a month? Is that even possible?
I swipe through his phone frantically, looking for any type of secret messaging app or hidden pictures. It isn't until I'm about to check his browser history that I stop. My shoulders sag, and I run my fingers through my hair as I go to sit down.
It's like I'm determined to find something even though it isn't there.
“What am I doing?” I murmur to myself.
“I was wondering the same thing.”
Easton's voice breaks through the quiet room and makes me jump. I was so wrapped up in searching through his phone that I didn't realize he had woken up. Reaching over, he flicks on the lamp beside the bed.
“How long have you been awake?”
He sits up, letting the blanket fall and pool on his lap. “Long enough. Did you find what you were looking for?”
I huff. “No, but you knew that already. What did you do, delete it all?”
His head drops, and he lets out a long exhale. “Is this just how it's going to be now? Constant arguing and searching through my phone while I sleep?”
A part of me wants to tell him yes. That I will do whatever makes me feel better. Whatever will help me trust him again. But before it can come out of my mouth, I realize that I'd be lying. Even finding nothing, it didn't make me feel any better, and it sure as hell didn't make me trust him.
The only option I have weighs heavily on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I've never been the kind of girl to question her boyfriend. To sneak around and go through his phone. And I always swore I would never be that girl, and here I am. As much as I love him, I can't change who I am, and this isn't me. Deep down, I've known it was going to come to this for weeks. I simply chose to live in denial, but I can't anymore.
“No,” I answer defeatedly.
He gives me a sad smile and climbs out of bed. “Okay. Good. Let's go get something to drink and then get back in bed. It's late.”
As he pulls on a pair of basketball shorts, I tilt my head back and blink to keep in the tears, refusing to cry.
“No,” I repeat, once I've gained control of my emotions. “It’s not going to be like that because I'm leaving you.”
His whole body tenses before he turns around with utter fear in his eyes. “You can't.”
“I have to,” I say quietly. “This isn't who I am, E. I'm not that girl that stays with a guy she doesn't trust. The girl that goes through her boyfriend’s phone, looking for evidence of something that might not even exist.”
“You did that all on your own!”
“No,” I snap, standing up. “You don’t get to do that, to act like I’m the reason we failed. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you. That’s how sure about us I was. So all the bullshit was worth it to me because you were mine. But I didn’t sign up to be lied to. And I have way too much respect for myself to be a doormat. I am not the reason we failed, Easton, because if it were up to me, we would have made it.”
He shakes his head. “Stop talking about us in past tense. We're not in past tense.”
“We are past tense.”
“You told me I could fix it! I thought we were getting better! You stayed!”
The pain in my chest doesn't let up as I feel this breaking us both. I pick up my bag and walk toward him. He watches me like I'm some rabid animal, ready to attack at any given moment and rip him to shreds.
“I stayed because I love you,” I say as I stand in front of him. “And I think a part of me is always going to love you. But right now, I need to love myself more.”
Arching up on my tiptoes, I press a kiss to his cheek and let it linger for a moment. As I pull away, it takes everything in me to ignore the pained look on his face.
I open the door and go to leave when he breaks the silence once more.
