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Another nightmare pullsme from a dead sleep and yanks me back into my miserable reality. Fucked up as it might be, I preferred when Tessa was the subject of the night terrors. At least that I was used to. I lived through it. Could tell myself how it ended. Instead, they've permanently switched to Kennedy, and they happen more often than not.
I get up from my bed and head downstairs, knowing I can't go to her. She's with Alec now. All moved on, loved up, and happy. If I had half a sense of selflessness, I'd be happy for her. She deserves to have everything she's ever wanted in life.
The doting husband.
The perfect family.
The white picket fence.
All the things I can't give her.
As I get to the kitchen, I head straight for the liquor cabinet. Beer isn't going to cut it this time. I need something stronger. Something that will rid myself of the pain I feel at knowing she's no longer mine. Knowing I fucked it all up. Knowing I lost her.
I grab the bottle of whiskey and bring it to my lips, telling myself she's better off.
She's so much better off.
THE CURTAINS GET THROWNopen, and the sun shines directly in my face. My head feels like someone threw a bunch of knives straight through it as I use my pillow to hide from the light. Zayn, however, isn't having it.
“Time to get up,” he tells me as he pulls the pillow away. “You've already missed two classes. Get your hungover ass out of bed and stop throwing your life away.”
“Fuck you,” I sneer.
He chuckles. “My bedroom tastes lean to a different Donovan.”
At the mention of my sister and their sexual activities, I jump out of bed and go to chase him, but he jumps just out of my reach. I grip my head as the room spins around me. The hard stuff may do the job better than beer, but man does it cause one hell of a hangover. I manage to stumble my way into the bathroom and grab a couple Advil from the medicine cabinet, swallowing them down by putting my mouth directly under the sink.
Turning on the shower, I step in and let the hot water encase me. It burns and runs cold all at the same time, and I just let it scorch my skin.
I deserve it.
WALKING THROUGH CAMPUS, Ikeep my head down. The Advil has done as much for my headache as the saltine crackers the school nurse gives you for a broken arm. If there's one thing I don't want right now, it's to make small talk with some shithead who thinks we're friends simply because Z and I throw the best parties.
My only mission is to get to my class, where I can fall back asleep listening to the monotone voice of my professor as he drones on about the fundamentals of programming and problem solving. And yet, when I get most of the way there, I quite literally crash right into someone else.
Books fly out of the girl’s hand and land among mine on the ground.
“I'm so sorry,” I say, but as I look up, I notice Kennedy staring back at me.
Shit.
I've been trying to stay out of her way. I mean, Tessa found happiness after me, and then I practically destroyed her by trying to get her back. I'd rather die than do the same thing to Kennedy, so if she's happy with Alec, I'll force myself to be happy for her.
She stares back at me, clearly in shock as I quickly pick up her books and hand them to her. As she takes them from me, our hands touch, and my body reacts to the feel of her skin on my own.
The same way it always has.
The same way it always will.
Seeing her now, my body hurts—literally yearns to pull her back into my arms and just hold her there, never letting her go. But I can't let myself do that. Not anymore.
I go to walk away, to leave her alone like I swore to myself I would, but she stops me with a call of my name.
“I actually need to talk to you about something,” she says with a sigh.
The air around me feels too thick, standing here with her, but I swallow it down. “Everything okay?”
“Uh, yeah. I guess,” she mutters, looking anywhere except back at me. “I, uh...fuck.”
