AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Jace smirks. “Says the fucker who lives in a house with his best friend.”
“Okay,” I interrupt their banter. “While you two catfight like a bunch of chicks over who is more codependent, I'm going to go have a smoke.”
Carter snickers. “The back door is through the kitchen.”
“Thanks.”
As I step outside into the breezy April air, I'm actually surprised by how warm it's gotten. The fresh air that blows past me is exactly what I needed. I light the cigarette and inhale deeply, feeling it soothe me from the inside out. I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.
There's got to be a way I can get Kennedy to forgive me, but I can't seem to figure out how. I tried sending her pictures of my car in front of the cafe when Zayn and I went to pick it up, and Amelia even told her that the tires were slashed and showed her the receipt for my new phone. It's like she doesn't want to listen to it.
The door opens again, and I startle from the sudden noise.
“Oh, sorry,” a familiar and annoying voice says. “I didn't realize you were out here.”
I don't even spare a glance at Alec. “You have a tendency of doing that. Not realizing I'm somewhere.”
He sighs. “Look, I know you don't like me. I get it. A guy hanging out with your pregnant ex wouldn't sit well with anyone. But I care about her. I'm only trying to help.”
I'm sure you are.I'm about to come back with something sarcastic. Something to make him go back inside and leave me the fuck alone. But as I go to open my mouth, I realize this is exactly what I need. If I play nice with Alec, maybe Kennedy won't hate me as much.
I swallow my pride and look him in the eyes. “You're right. I'm sorry. It's just been one hell of a couple weeks.”
“That bad?” he asks.
I shrug. “You care about that girl, but I'm in love with her. I've been busting my ass to show her that, and to be there for her and the baby, but I just keep fucking up. I don't know.”
He takes a hit of his own cigarette. “Kennedy told me about your car. Someone slashed your tires?”
Yeah, you. Fucking douche. ”Yep. All four in the time it took for me to go inside to get a cup of coffee and a muffin for Kennedy.”
“Fuck, man. That sucks. I'm sorry.”
I bet he is. This nice guy act may be fooling Kennedy, but it sure as shit isn't fooling me. I just hope he's buying mine.
“Thanks. It's just been a lot.”
He turns around and looks inside before taking a step closer toward me. “You just need a little pick me up, that's all. Something to take the edge off for a bit.”
I shake my head. “Oh, nah. That's all right, man. I don't—”
My words are cut off by the sight of a little baggie filled with white powder. Since getting clean, Zayn has made sure I'm never even in the vicinity of any drugs, and he's gone to great lengths to make it happen. He even almost got himself killed by the dealer I used to work for, just to keep me away from the shit. But I'd be lying if I said the urge to dip back in wasn't getting harder and harder lately.
He puts out his half-smoked cigarette and tosses the baggie to me with a wink. “Chill out a little, bro.”
I SIT ON MYbed, staring down at Alec's party favor as a million things run through my head. Half of me is screaming to flush it. That nothing good can come from this. But the other half tells a different story.
The last time I got high was after Tessa's overdose. After she woke up in the hospital and told me that she was choosing Asher. No matter what I did, how hard I tried, she was still going back to him. And I had lost her. I was stupid and heartbroken and decided to get high as hell to try to dull the pain. It's not like it worked at all, but I sure as hell tried.
Recovery was the worst thing I've ever been through. Having to detox off something my body had become so dependent on, I wanted nothing more than to swallow the same amount of pills Tessa had, even knowing it would kill me. If I had been strong enough, I would have physically fought Zayn, but I could barely keep myself hydrated, let alone throw a punch. My words, however, were like knives.
Out of everything, though, what I remember most was how weightless it made me feel.
How it took the stress away.
How it made everything a little more bearable.
“My problem was never cocaine,” I whisper to myself. “Hell, once wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.”
