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All eyes in the room are focused on the two of us as I feel my heart start to pound. “I...I...”
Before a lie slips from my lips, she lifts her closed hand and flips it over, opening it to reveal the little baggie of coke Alec gave me. My mouth goes dry as I stare at it, and if there's ever been a time I wanted to get high, it's now.
Zayn gets up from his seat and sees what Kennedy is holding. A low growl emits from the back of his throat as his fist clenches.
“Fuck!” he screams, and punches the wall with all the force he has, leaving a hole behind in its place.
“Sit down, Easton,” Tessa tells me.
I look at her and then back at Kennedy, who now won't meet my eyes.
I screwed up.
Again.
SMOKE FILLS MY LUNGSas I inhale deeply. After being lectured for an hour, I need the nicotine more than air at this point. There was nothing I could say that would make it better after Kennedy found the coke in my nightstand. I just sat there and listened to everyone as I stared at where Amelia was comforting Kennedy. She couldn't even look at me.
We're back to that.
Back to her mentally debating whether or not I'm good enough for the baby.
Good enough for her.
I should've known I'd fuck it up. If she was really smart, she'd leave me in her rearview mirror and never look back. That's what would be best for her and the baby. But I'm too fucking selfish to leave them. I want them too much.
I want our family.
And that makes me an asshole.
Tess slips out the door and comes to sit next to me. She carefully takes the cigarette from me and takes a puff before hanging it back. No words come from her mouth as she waits for me to speak first.
“Go ahead,” I tell her. “I've heard almost everyone else yell at me.”
She exhales a cloud of smoke. “No one was yelling at you in there. We just don't want to see you fall back into that shit.”
“But I didn't! I didn't even so much as open the baggie!”
“But you didn't throw it away, either,” she points out. “Why didn't you get rid of it?”
I keep my eyes focused on the tree in the backyard. “I forgot—”
“Easton fucking Donovan, don't you dare even think about lying to me right now,” she snaps. “This is me you're talking to.”
Taking a deep breath, I rub the back of my neck and then relax. She's right. This is Tess. The same girl that has listened to what goes on in my fucked up mind and never once gave up on me.
“I guess I just liked knowing it was there,” I confess. “That if things went wrong, if shit hit the fan, it was there.”
“Fair enough.”
“But I also liked knowing I was resisting it,” I continue. “It was like I was proving to myself that I'm strong enough to be faced with it and not give in. Drugs used to have such a strong hold on me. So, to know that for once, I was stronger than that urge, it's liberating.”
She puts a hand on my arm. “E, you've been stronger than that urge since the day you quit. Give yourself some more credit.” Then she quickly pulls her hand away. “Shit. I probably shouldn't do that. I don't want to give Kennedy the wrong idea.”
“I still can't believe she called you,” I say honestly.
“She's worried about you, and she knew if anyone could get through to you, it's me.”
“She could get through to me.”
