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“I hadn’t thought about it until I had the pill bottle in my hand and I saw how many were in it. All of a sudden I started thinking about how nice it would be to just not exist. The flashbacks and the nightmares, they all became too much. At first, the pills were enough to numb it until it was bearable, but I built up a tolerance pretty fast. I just wanted the pain to stop. I needed it to stop.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Delaney sobs.
She meets her sister’s gaze and sighs. “Because I know you. You’d instantly drop everything to be by my side, just like you did when you found out I was in the hospital. I didn’t want to burden you. You’re finally away at college and living your life, moving on from everything that happened to us. I didn’t want to take that from you.”
“And what do you think it would have done to me if you died? Huh?” Her voice gets louder. “You think I would have been able to just move on with my life like you never existed? You’re my sister, Tessa. My best friend. My other half. Losing you would be losing a part of me I can’t live without. Did you think of that?”
“I just thought you’d all be better off if I was gone.”
Delaney bends down, forcing Tessa to look at her. “Listen to me. No part of my life would be better if you weren’t in it. Do you understand? No. Part.”
At the sound of her words, Tessa breaks completely and crumbles into my side. Emotions wrack her body, coming out in sobs and painful wails. I hold her as she cries while Delaney and Lennon let it out, too. By the time she calms down, Delaney looks at me.
“Do you know of any mental health facilities she can go to?”
Tess pulls away from my chest. “No, please. Don’t put me in an institution. I promise, I’ll get better.”
“Shh, shh,” I soothe her. “We’re not going to lock you away. There are so
me really nice places that will give you the help you need. Therapists to talk with. Patients you can relate to. You said you took the pills because you wanted the pain to stop—this can help with that.”
She seems wary but she’s at least thinking about it. “Will you come visit me?”
I chuckle in relief. “Try and stop me.” Pulling Tessa in close, I turn my attention to Delaney. “I’ll make a few phone calls.”
She looks completely wrecked, and I hope Knox gets back from Zayn’s soon, because she’s really going to need him. However, we’re going to get Tessa some help, and that’s what matters most right now.
THAT NIGHT, I’M LYING in bed, cuddled up with Tessa. She seems restless, like she can’t get comfortable, and if I know her, it’s because something is on her mind. I rub my hand up and down her back.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her.
She’s quiet for a minute, and I’m starting to wonder if she finally fell asleep when she speaks. “I’m scared.”
“Of?”
“Everything,” she whispers. “Being away from you. Talking to people about what’s wrong with me. Living at a facility for a month. It’s all terrifying to me. What if I can’t do it?”
It only took me two phone calls and a matter of an hour before I had the perfect place lined up and a bed on standby for tomorrow morning. The fact that this is our last night together for a while when I just got her back stings, but I know it’s what’s best for her. And best for us.
“You’re going to be okay,” I promise. “Maybe not by tomorrow or even by next week, but regardless of what you think, you are the strongest woman I know. You’ll get better, like actually better, and I’ll be cheering you on the whole way.”
She pulls away to look at me. “I love you, Asher.”
“I love you, too.”
I slip my hand behind her neck and pull her in, sealing those words over her lips with a kiss, because I’ve never meant anything more.
THE WHOLE NEXT MORNING and the forty-five-minute drive to the facility go way too fast. I hold Tessa’s hand in mine the whole way, while Delaney, Knox, and Lennon all try to make her laugh from the back seat. A few of their antics manage to work, but I think she’s too nervous to find much amusement in anything.
I pull into the parking lot, and we all take in the gorgeous building. It doesn’t look scary like the places you see in horror movies. This one is bright, with flowers and palm trees all around the outside. It looks like a place you can go to relax, and that’s exactly what she needs.
We all get out of the car, and I grab her suitcases from the back. She hugs Knox first, being as he’s the easiest to say goodbye to. He tells her that he will take care of Delaney and make sure she doesn’t lose her mind at not being able to harass Tess every second of the day. Next, she moves onto Lennon. The two of them cry as they hold each other, and she promises to come visit when I do.
Then, she turns to Delaney, and even I start to break a little.
“I need you to do something for me,” Tessa tells her.
“Anything.”
