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I couldn’t keep going without her in my life, not when she was so close. The only reason I made it the four years I did was because I wasn’t able to contact her even if I tried. Now, with her being dangled in front of me like a treat I’m not allowed to have, I needed at least part of her. I told myself I would shove my feelings down into the deepest corner of my chest and settle for being friends. Was it going to suck? Of course. Would it hurt to see her with Lord Douchebag? Like a bitch. But, in the battle of being her friend or not having her at all, the choice was clear.
During the few days that she didn’t push me away, I learned she hadn’t changed nearly as much as I thought. She was still the sassy, headstrong girl I remembered. There wasn’t a single day we talked that I didn’t have a smile on my face, until it abruptly ended. All of a sudden, most of my messages went unanswered and the ones that didn’t, lacked the enthusiasm her responses once held.
A part of me knew I should leave it alone. I was too invested. I felt too strongly towards her to resist the temptation, but I didn’t listen. The need to be around her was so intense that it made every logical part of me cease to exist. Reasonability never stood a chance.
When we stood in her parents’ dining room and she repeated for the third time how wrong it was for us to be talking, I nearly went off. Here I was, trying to be a good guy and settle for being her friend – instead of telling her exactly what I thought about her upcoming nuptials and the wrong guy being at the end of that aisle – and it still wasn’t okay in her eyes. With the exception of calling her Princess, which will stop over my dead body, I had done well with keeping everything strictly platonic between us. It wasn’t easy, but I managed. So, to hear her say that even that was wrong, made me see red.
I was going to walk away. I was going to respect the request she made at her engagement party, regardless of how ridiculous and impossible I thought it was. My eyes couldn’t seem to look away from her that whole dinner, no matter how risky I knew it was. In my mind, it was going to be the last time I saw her for a while. I planned to go stay in Boston for a bit, to give her some distance. I had enough work there to last a few months at least. However, that isn’t what ended up happening.
Maverick proposing to Tatum has always been a touchy subject, and everyone would understand that if he told them that he tried. Five years ago, while we were all still in college, he bought a ring, got down on one knee, and asked her to marry him – she said no. In her defense, it was more of a ‘not yet’ but rejection is all the same. Being one of few people who know this, it was no surprise to me when he practically bit McKenna’s head off for bringing up the topic. What I didn’t expect, was to get caught in the crossfire.
No part of me had ever planned on McKenna finding out that I never moved on from what she and I had. It’s not exactly the kind of thing that makes you look manly and strong. So, the second Maverick spit those words at me intending to cause harm, I knew he hit his target. I instantly felt McKenna’s gaze shooting daggers into my head. A little voice in my head told me to look up – to hold her stare and play it off like he was talking about someone else, but I couldn’t. She meant more to me than that.
When I got to her bedroom, the first thing out of her mouth was calling me out on the lie I told her – that I had been drunk when I got the date of our first kiss tattooed close to my heart. There was no denying it at that point. I could hear in the tone of her voice, she had it all figured out. My eyes met hers and finally, for the first time in years, I saw it. Just like that, I was rendered completely defenseless.
Once I gave in, I knew walking away was no longer an option. Stealing another man’s fiancé was never something I aspired to do, but if we’re being honest, McKenna was never his to begin with. How could she be when every part of her heart was left here with me? Still, she’s the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met and I knew that the only way I stood a chance was to get her to come to me.
Making her jealous at the bar was Roman’s idea, and I must admit, it was brilliant. I’d purposely chosen someone I knew would be all over me. I turned on the charm and let the situation play out. I could feel McKenna watching me for over an hour before she ended up at the bar, downing shots like they were going to giv
e her the answers to life. By the third one, I started to worry. And by the fourth, I texted Rome and told him that if he didn’t stop her, I was going end this game and do it myself. Next thing I knew, I had a very angry looking ex standing in front of me, demanding I remove my hands from the girl grinding on my leg – I listened without hesitation.
The way her body moved against mine on that dance floor made me feel things that could send me straight to hell. In that moment, I didn’t care that people could see us, or that her brother was most likely within eyesight. All that mattered was the way my arms wrapped around her and the moan that left her mouth when I kissed her neck.
When we got into the bathroom, I had to refrain from attacking her mouth with my own. Like I said, if I stood a chance at all, I needed her to come to me. I needed her permission, and the second I got it I didn’t hold back. But when I heard her asking me to fuck her, I knew we needed to stop. God, turning down that offer was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but she deserves so much more than drunk sex in the back of some club. We deserve more than that.
As soon as I told her it wasn’t going to happen, I saw the look in her eyes. All the walls she had built to keep me out had gone right back up in a millisecond. I could’ve stood there all night and begged her to talk to me, but it wouldn’t have gotten us anywhere. The liquid courage she had was gone and all that was left was the girl who only remembered how I hurt her.
I LOOK DOWN AT my hand, seeing the fading bruises on my knuckles from the way I took out my anger that night. Roman tried insisting I go get x-rays, but I didn’t listen. I knew it wasn’t broken, and I was right.
Leaning against the counter while I wait for the coffee to finish brewing, I pull out my phone. It’s been three days since the night at the club and McKenna is yet to answer a single one of my texts. How is it so easy for her to go without talking to me, while I can’t go longer than a few hours? Ugh, I wish I had her self control.
As much as it hurts to think about, perhaps her actions that night made her realize I’m not the one she wants. Maybe she really does love her fiancé and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. If that’s the case, if he’s what makes her happy, I’ll back off. All I know is that every time I get her within my reach only for her to slip away again, I break a little more.
I type out the only thing I can think to say at this point.
I’m sorry if you’re hurting and if I had something to do with that pain. I never meant to make things difficult for you. I understand you don’t want to speak to me. I’m walking away.
I stay still for a few minutes, waiting for the three dots to appear and show she’s responding, but they never come.
SUNDAY ARRIVES QUICKER THAN expected, and while I’m not thrilled about the idea of going on a date with someone who isn’t McKenna, I’m trying to remain optimistic. I meant it when I told her I was walking away. If that isn’t what she wants, she can tell me. Otherwise, life goes on.
I’m sitting on the couch with Maverick going over the financials of his business. When he told me his idea a couple years ago, I immediately offered to invest. Being his silent partner, he runs everything the way he wants and I get 15% of net profits. The only thing he ever needs to come to me for are big decisions, such as the expansion he’s currently considering. It comes with a bit of a risk, so I know that part of him is looking at me as less as his partner and more as his friend.
“Do you think you can pull it off?”
He nods. “I think it’ll take a decent amount of work at first, but yeah, I do.”
“Then go for it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. The data looks good and you’re ready and willing to make it happen. If this is what you want to do, I trust you’re making the right call.”
He smiles gratefully and slips the documents back into their folder. Just as he finishes closing his briefcase, the doorbell rings. Tatum calls down to us from the balcony.
“Can one of you get that? It’s McKenna.”
Goosebumps rise across my skin at the mention of her name. I don’t move as Maverick cups his hands over his mouth and yells across the house.
