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Parker stands and comes closer, filling the space beside me and pulling my hand into his. “McKenna, I meant it when I said I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and as much as your infidelity hurts, it doesn’t change anything. However, I only want that if you want it, too. Please don’t marry me if your heart isn’t fully in it.”
“You’re not leaving me?” My bewildered state is evident. I thought for sure he would be gone the second an admission came from my lips.
He shakes his head. “I love you, McKenna, and I can love you through this – but only if you want me to. It’ll take a lot of work to get back to where we were, but I’m willing to do that because I want you. You just have to decide if that’s what you want.”
This is it. This is where I have the opportunity to make a decision and make it known, but still, I freeze. In the battle between Parker and Colton, head and heart, I come up blank. It’s like my whole body malfunctions and can’t formulate a single rational thought.
“Do you need the answer now, or can I think about it?”
I can tell by his face that he was hoping I’d jump into his arms and thank him for staying, but that isn’t going to happen right now. Reluctantly, he nods and releases my hand from his hold. The two of us stand and I head to the bedroom, taking a duffle bag from my closet and starting to fill it with some clothes. If I’m really going to think this through, I can’t do it here.
Just as I’m zipping the bag closed, Parker comes into the room. His tear stained cheeks send a jolt of pain through my heart. He places a kiss to my forehead and I do my best to stay strong.
“Come back to me.” He whispers.
With that, he steps back and lets me leave. It isn’t until I’m outside waiting for my Uber that I allow myself to cry, to feel the pain of everything in full force, and to start the process of finally making a choice.
I WAKE IN THE morning to the sound of someone knocking lightly on my bedroom door. As soon as my eyes open, my mom steps inside. Her face holds nothing but love as she comes over and places a cup of tea on my nightstand.
“Are you okay? You were a bit inconsolable when you got here last night.”
I sit up and pull the warm mug into my hands. “I don’t know. I think so?”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
If she wasn’t one of the most comforting people I know, I may have turned down that offer. Instead, I move out of the way and gesture for her to take a seat on my bed.
“Parker found out about Colton and I.”
“Oh, McKenna.” She pulls me into her arms and I go willingly. “So, what happens now?”
I shrug. “He said he wants to make it work.”
“And I take it you said no? I mean, judging by the fact that you slept here last night.”
“I told him I need time to think, and I do. I can’t see him every day and make that kind of decision. He’ll just try to do things to sway me, and I need to make sure this is what I want.”
She nods, agreeing with me. “Well, you know you’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like. And I’m here, if you need someone to talk to or even just someone to listen.”
“Thanks Mom, for everything.”
She smiles and then excuses herself, leaving me alone to ponder my thoughts.
THE FIRST DAY IS spent wallowing in self-pity. I only come out of my room to pee or get something to eat – not that I have much of an appetite. I dodge the few incoming calls from Parker and Colton, and only responding to texts with one word answers that make it clear I’m not up for talking. The second day, I force myself to get up and shower. The brownie crumbs found in my hair are enough to tell me that I need to get a grip. Life is moving on, and if I don’t go with it, it’ll leave me behind.
I blow dry my hair just enough to make it look presentable and throw on a pair of leggings with a tank top. A few months ago, a few days even, I would’ve been mortified at the idea of going out in public looking like a bum. Today, I really couldn’t care less. I grab the keys to my mom’s car, tell her I’ll be back in a bit, and head out the door.
Listening to the GPS on my phone, I follow the directions until I reach my destination. The sound of hammers pounding on nails echoes through the air. I kill the engine and step out of the car. As soon as I enter the building, I see Colton leaning over a blueprint with Roman at his side. They’re clearly immersed in conversation, and it takes a minute before anyone notices me.
“You lost, darlin?” A man in a hard hat asks, looking at me like I’m just what the doctor ordered.
Colton picks his head up and glares at the man. “Back off, Flynn. That one’s taken.”
He takes one step back and raises his hands in surrender. “And here I thought you were trying to be a monk or some shit. You been keeping this little beauty locked away in an ivory tower somewhere?”
“No, but maybe I should. That’s not the worst idea.” Colton comes closer and takes me into his arms. “Everything okay?”
I shake my head slightly. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
