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I don’t know what to say. I’m sad for Brianna. I know how crazy about him she is. Yet, at the same time, he can’t force himself to feel something he doesn’t, and at least he isn’t lying to her about it. He’s just trying to be a good guy.
“Don’t beat yourself up over it.” I tell him, laying down on my back next to him.
“Thanks for the advice, Kay.” He jokes, poking me in my side. I jump instantly. Suddenly, Holden sits up. “You’re ticklish?!”
“No” I lie.
He pokes my side again, and I can’t resist the instinct to flinch. “Liar. You are!”
He starts to tickle me, mainly focused on my sides. “No, Holden. Stop!” I laugh, trying to push him off. He doesn’t stop, grinning broadly as he tickles me.
“Well don’t you two look cozy.” Taylor’s voice booms into the room, causing the two of us to freeze.
Brianna comes into the room behind her, holding a few bags. She pushes past Taylor and puts the bags on her bed.
“Hey babe.” She greets Holden, kissing him briefly.
“Hey.”
Taylor stays in the doorway, giving Holden and me a judging look. Bree goes into the bathroom and when she comes back out she gives Holden one more kiss.
“We’re going out to dinner. I just wanted to drop the bags off.” She says and heads back toward the door.
“Don’t have too much fun.” Taylor says, raising her eyebrows.
The two of them leave as quickly as they came. As soon as the door closes, Holden laughs.
“I hate that girl.” He scoffs, shaking his head.
I chuckle softly. “I don’t know why. She’s such a ball of sunshine.” Holden looks down at me and studies me carefully. He doesn’t say anything, but smiles adorably. “What?” I ask, pulling the part of my shirt that raised up in the scuffle back down.
He looks away and shakes his head. “Nothing, sorry. Want to finish this?”
I nod and sit up, taking the computer onto my lap and beginning to type up the report. Holden helps me, adding details he feels are important. I can’t help but notice the way he keeps looking at me, and the way it’s making me feel. The butterflies in my stomach are overwhelming.
You stupid girl, he doesn’t want you.
My subconscious is right. Why would he want a girl like me? He’s dating Brianna - someone who is perfect in every way. I’m silly if I let myself believe otherwise.
You want him, though.
The reality of the situation hits me like a slap in the face. A few days ago, I couldn’t stand him. Now he has me falling for his charm just like everyone else. I can’t let this happen. He’s my roommate’s boyfriend. I must push him away, before this becomes too much.
We finish the report within an hour and I take a deep breath before I start what needs to be done.
“Thank god! Now I don’t have to deal with you anymore.” I spit.
At first, he laughs, thinking I’m joking, but when I don’t laugh as well, his smile drops. “Seriously?” He looks, like I just killed his puppy. I try to ignore it.
“Yes, seriously. You couldn’t have possibly thought I actually wanted to be your friend, could you?” He swallows. “Oh, you did.” I laugh humorlessly. “That’s adorable.”
He looks at me like I’m the worst person he’s ever met. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I roll my eyes. “You’re what’s wrong with me. Now leave, there’s no reason for you to be here.”
He grabs his things and walks towards the door. He stops just before he exits and turns to me. “Fuck you, Kayleigh. And fuck me for ever thinking you’re something better than you are. Have fun starving yourself.”
He storms out of the room, once again slamming the door behind him. The tears build in my eyes and soon I’m overcome with sobs. Why did I have to let myself be affected by his boyish charm? It’s not like I’d ever stand a chance, and now I can’t even be friends with him. It would only make me want him more, and that can’t happen. Instead of chasing after him, I let the depressed feeling swallow me whole and I cry into my pillow until I fall asleep.
