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“Hello darling.”
“What are you doing here?” I deadpan.
“Now, is that anyway to greet your mother?” She barges past me and into my room. “Brianna, it’s so nice to see you again.”
“Nice to see you, too, Mrs. Jacobs.” She replies.
“It’s Hartman. She’s remarried.” I murmur, climbing back onto Bree’s bed.
“Honey, she can call me whatever she’d like.” My mother tells me. “Though personally, I prefer Jessica.”
“Jessica, it is then.” Bree smiles. “Kayleigh didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“That’s because Kayleigh didn’t know.” I say in third person, tossing a piece of popcorn into my mouth.
“Well don’t sound so disappointed. You would have known if you answered your phone every now and then.” She accuses me. “And what did I tell you about eating that crap. You know what it does to your figure.”
She takes the bowl of popcorn from my lap and puts it on the desk. Immediately, my chest becomes tight. I can feel my anxiety attack building rapidly, and the only thing I can think to do is get the hell out of here.
Cut the shit, Kayleigh. Anxiety is just a figment of your imagination.
The memory of my mother’s voice plays in my head. She has never understood, or even tried to for that matter. It took me becoming 18 and making my own doctor’s appointment before I got medication for my anxiety. Still, even with a doctor’s professional opinion, she thinks I’m over exaggerating.
I get up from the bed, throwing my shoes on as fast as I can manage. When I’m done, I run out the door, ignoring my mother’s protests from behind me. As I exit the building, I shiver from the cold. In my haste, I forgot to grab a jacket or hoodie. To get one would mean going back in there, and I’m not willing to do that.
Every part of me wants to make myself throw up the popcorn. My mother is right. It’s going to make me even fatter and no one likes a fat girl. Holden will realize that he can get so much better than me, and he will leave like everyone else.
You’re beautiful, Kayleigh. Absolutely stunning.
Visions of Holden running his fingertips over my body cause me to hesitate. He knows how to calm me down, and he won’t be happy if I purge. Instead of giving in to my urges, I start to run, knowing exactly where I’m heading.
I PUSH THROUGH THE crowd of people and make my way into the house. I try to remember what costume he said he was wearing, but I come up empty. Thankfully, my panic attack subsided before I got here. Still, though, I need to find Holden.
I look around the house, checking the living room and the kitchen. I even go outside to check the backyard. I can’t seem to find him anywhere. Maybe this was a bad idea. I start to head toward the door when a voice stops me.
“Kayleigh?” Holden asks from his place at the beer pong table. “What are you doing here?” I shake my head and continue my way to the exit. “Hey, wait up!” He yells, and finally I stop. He catches up to me in a matter of seconds. “What’s wrong? Where’s your jacket? You must be freezing.”
“Nothing. I’m fine. Enjoy your party.” I lie and try to walk away, but he grabs my wrist.
“Oh, no you don’t.” He pulls me back toward him. “Talk to me.”
I shake my head, again. “It can wait, really.”
A girl dressed as a slutty nurse calls his name from where he was just stood at the table. “Come on, we’re winning. It’s our turn.”
Holden waves her off dismissively. “Let Jason take my place.” She doesn’t hide her disappointment, sending me a dirty look. “Come on, let’s go to my room.”
He places his hand on my lower back and leads us through the house and up the stairs. I wait for Holden to close the door behind us, feeling obnoxiously dependent.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” I tell him, but he shakes his head.
“Don’t worry about it.” He walks us over to his bed and I go willingly into his arms. “So, you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
I frown as I look up at him. “My mom showed up at my dorm tonight.”
Holden and I have talked about my home life – more specifically about how my mother’s comments started my eating disorder. Therefore, it’s no surprise to me when he automatically understands where I’m going with this.
“Did you do anything?” He asks.
