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I nod slowly, looking at him and trying to figure out what in the world is going on. When I can't figure out the right words, I look at Bree pleadingly. Thankfully, she takes mercy on me.
"He came over at the ass crack of dawn to talk to you, but you were sniffling and coughing in your sleep. I told him not to wake you, and he came back with all this." She gestures toward the paper bag and the tissues.
The tension leaves my body, suddenly overwhelmed by how much he cares. "And when I woke up?" I question.
"I forgot the thermometer." He answers, and the amount of softness in his eyes renders me speechless. However, I don't really know where we stand right now and we need to figure that out. Bree must be able to sense my inner turmoil because she gets up from her bed and slips on her shoes.
"I'm going to go see Taylor." She announces. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" I nod, and with one last 'feel better', she exits – leaving Holden and I alone together.
A nervous feeling starts to build in my stomach as him and I avoid eye contact. I hate the awkwardness between us. We've never been like this, and I can't help but feel like all this is my fault. If I had just realized how much he cared and that he was trying to help, I wouldn't have broken up with him. The two of us could potentially still be together, instead of being so close yet so far apart.
What if he was coming over to tell me that last night was a mistake?
Just as I'm about to say something, I break into a coughing fit. Holden reacts instantly, rubbing my back and grabbing my water when I start to wheeze. When I finally calm down, I take the bottle and thank him quietly before taking a sip. He reaches into the bag on my desk and pulls out a packet of cough drops. Once he gets one out of the wrapper, he puts it to my lips. I open my mouth slightly and he slips the cough drop in - his thumb grazing my bottom lip in the process.
"Holden, I'm really sor-" I start but he stops me.
"Shh. Don't worry about that right now." He whispers.
He takes his jacket and shoes off before climbing onto my bed. When he's settled next to me, he places his hands on my shoulders and pulls me back until I'm lying with my head in his lap.
"Just rest. We can talk later." He says, running his fingers through my hair in the way that I love.
Despite wanting to figure out what's going on with us, I feel like garbage. Between the warmth from my blanket and the smell of Holden infiltrating my senses, I fall back asleep easily – never wanting to move from this very spot.
BY THE TIME I wake again, it's unclear how many hours have passed. However, judging by the way the sun is no longer shining through my window, it must be at least the afternoon by now. My head still rests on Holden's lap as he messes with his phone, keeping one hand gently on my stomach. I try not to make a sound, wanting this moment to last. Unfortunately, my cough has other plans.
"Morning sleepyhead." Holden greets me.
I groan, turning onto my side and snuggling my face into his stomach. When I realize what I'm doing, I freeze.
Smooth, Kayleigh. Real smooth.
I peek up at Holden to find him gazing down at me with nothing but fondness. It's the kind of look he used to give me while we cuddled up in his bed, or hung around with his friends. I always knew how much I meant to him, just from the pure affection shown in his eyes.
"They're the ones who can't compete with you." His words from last night replay in my head.
What does that even mean? Were Caleb and Jason right? Is he still in love with me?
"No. It's not the right time for one. I need to focus on hockey and the fraternity." The reminder that he doesn't want a girlfriend feels like a punch to the gut.
As much as I want to talk to him about us, and figure out where we go from here, I'm terrified to bring it up. For all I know, he thinks our kiss last night was a big mistake and we're better off as friends. Just because he's taking care of me, doesn't mean he wants to be with me. He's just a good person.
I sit up and instantly begin coughing from the sudden movement. Holden lightly puts his hand on my back – a gesture that causes me to feel things I'm not willing to admit. When I finally catch my breath, I get up and walk into the bathroom.
One look in the mirror and I'm completely mortified by how I look. I have crust in the corners of my eyes, and the bottom of my nose is all red and irritated – not to mention the bags under my eyes. I definitely look as sick as I feel, that's for sure.
I turn on the sink and cup the water into my hands, splashing it onto my face a few times to clean myself up. I don't bother brushing my hair and instead tie it up in a messy bun. By the time I'm done, I don't look great but it'll do.
I come out of the bathroom and smile shyly at Holden. He clicks the screen to his phone off, placing it down on my nightstand and giving me his undivided attention.
"Water?" I question as I open the mini fridge.
"Sure, thanks."
After taking out two bottles, I kick the door shut with my foot and climb back onto my bed. I hand Holden his and open my own, taking a large sip and enjoying the way the cold feels on my sore throat. As I twist the cap back on, I see Holden looking at me.
