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He doesn’t answer, instead taking a large gulp of straight alcohol. I can already tell he’s hammered, judging by the way he’s slurring his words and can’t stand still without swaying. Also, a sober Holden would never speak to me the way that he is. I sit down on the bed and place my bag next to me.
“Can you please talk to me? Tell me what’s going on with you.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Ever?”
“I don’t know!”
Tears build in my eyes as I look at the emotionless expression of the man who means the most to me. Just when I’m about to take my things and leave, his phone vibrates on the nightstand. Noticing the way his eyes widen, I quickly reach forward and grab his phone.
New Message: Bianca Vanderlin
I swipe it open and see that it’s not one of her unanswered messages like it was back in December – they’ve been having a conversation. I can only make out the words ‘It just really sucks…’ before Holden rips the phone out of my hand. My jaw drops and I stare at him blankly as I realize what’s going on.
“Don’t touch my phone.” He snaps.
I blink a couple of times, trying to find the right words. “So, you won’t talk to me, but you’ll talk to Bianca about it?” He doesn’t respond, instead deciding to click his phone off and put it in his back pocket. I stand up and push him backwards. “The same Bianca who tried to destroy our relationship?! Are you fucking kidding me?!”
He looks down at the ground, but still shows zero emotion. “Y
ou don’t understand.”
“I don’t understand because you won’t talk to me!” I shout. “How the fuck do you expect me to be there for you if you won’t tell me what I have to be there for?!” Taking a deep breath, I try to tell myself that he’s clearly going through something. I calm myself down and place my hands on his face. “Baby, talk to me. Please.”
Holden grabs my wrists and forcibly removes them, putting them back at my sides. “Why don’t you just go snort something and leave me alone?”
His words come out monotone, and I have to repeatedly convince myself that the man I’m talking to is the same man who has told me time and time again that he loves me. The pain that shoots through my body is unimaginable, and if I didn’t want to avoid looking pathetic, I’d crumble to the floor.
“I’m done.” I whisper as he goes to walk away.
He stops and turns around to face me again. “What?”
I look him dead in the eyes as I repeat the words I never thought I’d say, but have never meant more. “I said, I’m done.” I enunciate every word. “You and I are over. Enjoy Bianca, I’m sure you’ll be very happy together. You two deserve each other.”
Without giving him a chance to stop me, I run out of the bedroom and quickly make my way to the exit. As soon as I reach the door, I stop to see if he’s following me like he usually does – but he’s not. Caleb grows concerned and gets up to ask if I’m alright.
I shake my head, letting the tears spill out. “Can you just take me home?”
He frowns and nods, putting his hand on my back and leading me out to his car. As we pull away from the house, I let my emotions win and sob with my head against the passenger seat window.
IT TAKES A FEW days before I force myself to stop crying and start moving on with my life. However, before I can do that, I need to go and get my things from the Kappa house. I’ve tried to have Caleb or Jason get them for me, but apparently, Holden has kept his room locked constantly – giving me no choice but to go there myself to retrieve them.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” Dawson asks as we pull into the driveway.
“No, that’s okay. Just wait here. I’ll only be a minute.”
He nods and I climb out of the car – taking a deep breath to steady myself before I need to come face to face with the man I still love. I give Dawson one more sad smile before walking up the stairs and knocking on the door. Jason answers and sighs.
“Kay, just because you and Holden broke up, doesn’t mean you have to knock.”
I shrug. “It seemed like the right thing to do.”
He frowns, opening the door to let me inside. “He’s upstairs waiting for you.”
Trying to hold myself together, I let my feet carry me up the stairs and down the hallway. Once I approach his door, I find that it’s already open. My body instantly wants to turn around and run the other way, but I force myself to do this. I take a couple steps forward and into the room.
“Hi.” He greets as soon as he sees me, standing up.
