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Fortunately, Bree doesn’t notice when I watch Kayleigh sleep more than I watch the movie.
Chapter Eight
Brianna’s head rests against my shoulder as the movie plays. Kayleigh is still sound asleep. I don’t know how she could be so tired at five thirty in the evening. Her eyes flutter as if she’s dreaming about something. I wonder what it could be about.
“Holden?” Bree whispers, getting my attention. “I love you.”
Upon hearing those three little words, a feeling washes over my entire body, but it’s not a good one. She loves me?! How could she possibly love me?! We’ve only been together a little over a month. It can’t be that simple. What do I even say?! My internal panic creates a silence that can’t be ignored. Say something.
“You do?”
She nods, still not removing her eyes from the movie. “Yeah.”
Fuck. Do I tell her what she wants to hear and say it back? No. I can’t. I wouldn’t mean it and it could only make things worse. I’d be expected to say it for the rest of the time we’re together.
“I… don’t know what to say.”
“Oh.” Her response is laced with disappointment.
“I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t like you, I just don’t think I’m there yet.”
“Okay.” She says bitterly.
“You’re mad?”
“No.”
The level of my voice gets higher. “You are. How can you be mad about that? At least I was honest.”
“Quiet, Holden.” She scoffs. “Can’t you see she’s sleeping?”
A loud groan comes from the back of my throat, feeling increasingly frustrated. “Bree, it’s six o’clock. Who the hell…” She places a hand over my mouth but I finish my sentence. “…sleeps at six o’clock?”
Kayleigh rolls onto her back and sleepily rubs her eyes. When she’s done, she turns toward Brianna and me. She looks so innocent when she first wakes up.
“Good Morning, Sleepyhead.” Bree greets her, acting like we weren’t just fighting two seconds ago.
“Morning.” She answers, and oh my god, that groggy sounding voice goes straight to my groin. She clears her throat as she sits up. “How long have I been out for?”
“Forever.” I murmur. Bree’s elbow connects with my stomach. “Ow! What was that for?”
“Being rude.” She replies. Whenever she has a backbone, it’s amusing to me. I roll my eyes playfully and kiss her forehead – hoping our little disagreement has long been forgotten. Her attention goes back to Kayleigh. “We’re going to get dinner soon. Do you want anything?”
She shakes her head. “No thanks. I’m not really hungry.”
This makes me laugh. “Yeah, okay. We could hear your stomach growling in your sleep.”
Bree narrows her eyes at me and Kayleigh places a pillow over her stomach. Why would she lie about not being hungry? I don’t understand.
“It’s okay, really.” She murmurs. “I’m not feeling too well, hence why I was sleeping.”
I feel like she’s hiding something but I don’t know what. “Is that why you ran out of class earlier?”
“You ran out of class? Are you okay?” Bree asks, surprised by this new information.
“I’m fine. I promise. It was just an anxiety attack. I get them all the time. No reason to worry.”
As my girlfriend gets up and walks over to her roommate’s bed, I can’t help but focus on what she just said. I suffered from panic attacks for years after my parents’ accident. Around the anniversary of their death, they come back but otherwise I’ve got it under control.
