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What is with my family and being right about everything? Hearing Kayleigh say the word friends to describe us feels like a stab to the chest. How can I just be friends with her when I want so much more? I take a deep breath and when I exhale, I have a newfound determination.
“I’m going to make her mine.”
Chapter Twenty Two
I glide across the ice with ease. Skating comes as natural to me as walking now, and usually, it’s a major stress reliever. Today, however, that’s not the case. Since we got back from Thanksgiving break, I can’t seem to get my mind off my parents. It’s something that happens this time of year. The constant reminder that they’re are gone and I’ll never get to spend another holiday with them burns into my mind and just won’t leave.
“Rivers!” Coach yells. “Get your head in the game and run the damn drill.”
I roll my eyes, honestly not caring if he sees me or not. It’s only practice and it’s not like I don’t already know what I’m doing. Everyone on the team knows I’m set to become captain next year, and that wouldn’t happen if I was inexperienced. Hell, even the NHL wanted me last year. I could sit on my ass in the middle of the rink and Coach still wouldn’t kick me off the team.
No matter what I do, I can’t manage to get my mind under control. Missing them is especially rough this time of year. Memories of all the moments we spent wrapped up with each other on the couch admiring the Christmas tree, and all the mornings spent opening presents – they’re right there at the front of my brain, constantly reminding me of their absence. A part of me wonders if I should talk to Kayleigh about it but the last thing I want is to seem weak. For all I know, my confident attitude is one of the things she likes about me, and I don’t want to risk that.
Shaking the thoughts from my mind, I take the puck with my stick and pick up the pace. Our goalie, Logan, looks ready for me to take my shot but he doesn’t stand a chance. I raise my eyebrows as I watch the puck fly past his glove and into the top left corner of the goal.
“Fuck you, Rivers.” He chuckles, causing me to laugh with him.
I skate to the back of the line and Jason pats me on the helmet. He’s been asking me what’s wrong for the past few days but I always make it seem like it’s nothing. Still, knowing he’s there for me if I need him helps – even if I’ll never take him up on it.
THE NEXT DAY, I’M sitting in my room and trying to come up with a plan. Ever since that talk with Brandon, I’m determined to make Kayleigh and I official. I can’t just ask her to be my girlfriend, though. I need to do something special. She deserves to be romanced in the best possible ways.
I rack my brain for what seems like hours, but in reality is probably only twenty minutes or so. When the ideas just aren’t coming to me, I call the one person who has always been good at this stuff.
“Hey H.” Josephine answers.
“Jo, I need your help.”
I can almost hear her grin through the phone. “Well, there’s a sentence I don’t hear enough. What’s up?”
“I’m trying to plan a date for Kayleigh, something nice because my goal is to make us official.”
My sister squeals into the phone, making me cringe and pull the device away from my ear. “Thank God. I was beginning to think you’ve lost your ever-loving mind.”
“What do you mean?” My eyebrows furrow as I roll over onto my back.
“You brought her home for Thanksgiving and expected everyone to believe you two were just friends. I’ve known you for as long as I can remember. You’re anything but friends.”
“Okay, touché.” I give her that one. “Now, are you going to help me or do you just plan on making fun of me the whole time?”
The two of us spend the next hour and a half looking up places near campus. She finds the perfect floral arrangement at a flower shop ten minutes from here, and we decide on a restaurant that I know neither of us have never been to. It’s fancy and will probably cost a pretty penny, but she’s worth it.
“So, you think she could be it?” Jo asks before we get off the phone.
“Be what?”
“You know, the one.”
I choke on air and need to remember how to breathe again. Still, I can’t find it in me to deny it. Could she be? Can I really see myself spending the rest of my life with her? Well, let’s just say I can’t picture spending my life without her, so that’s saying something.
“Maybe. I don’t know.” I downplay my answer, not ready to talk about all that yet.
She sighs. “Alright, well good luck brudder. Let me know how it goes.”
“Thanks. I will.”
I hang up and let the phone fall to my side, her words still playing in my head. I can almost picture it; Kayleigh in a white dress, walking down a long aisle to me standing at the end of it – vowing to love each other in front of everyone important to us. It’s perfect, but something is missing. The image in my mind has two empty seats in the front row, reserved for my parents who won’t be sitting there. The reminder feels like a knife getting plunged directly into my heart.
Without a second thought, I stand up and make my way downstairs, grabbing the closest bottle of alcohol and pouring out four shots. I take them quickly, one going down after another and burning my throat.
