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“Not a one. My PTSD behaved itself and we did it three times last night. I couldn’t get enough of her.”
A chuckle came from his brother.
Pulling out onto the highway, Tanner knew he should hang up the phone, but he felt so excited about this trip that he just had to share it with his brother. Only he and Tucker knew how much he feared having sex again. It wasn’t that he wasn’t capable, but who wanted to sleep with a man who suddenly freaked out because he thought he was back in the war zone?
“Did you get her phone number?”
With a sigh, Tanner knew he should have probably asked for her number, but he just felt so uncertain about when an attack would suddenly happen. Last night, he’d slept like a baby and that had not happened to him in years. Normally, he had at least one episode a night.
Not last night. Last night, he’d slept so well beside Emily.
Oftentimes, a dream would take him back to Iraq, and then he would wake up fighting everything and anyone in the room. Twice he’d destroyed his cabin. Smashing glasses, tossing lamps, and even his TV.
“No, this was one night. One night only,” he said. “You know I’m not capable of being with someone in a relationship.”
Tucker made a noise on the phone. “If you found the right person, I think they could help you get over this.”
There was little traffic on the freeway, but soon he would be turning off onto a winding highway. One where he would need to pay attention. One where he had to disconnect from his brother.
“But what if I hurt them? Sometimes, I wake up flailing my arms trying to fight off the demons in my dreams.”
Sometimes he woke up, standing on the mattress ready to defeat the enemy, protecting his country, only to realize it was his cabin. No one knew how he’d destroyed his cabin. Not even the maids.
“That’s what I mean,” Tucker said. “This person could help you come back and keep you from fighting in your dreams.”
They could also run from him afraid of how he’d hurt them or almost hit them or something even worse. No, he could never have a permanent person in his life.
“No, I fear injuring someone. It’s just better that I remain alone. At least until this goes away,” he said.
If it ever went away. That was his biggest fear, that he would have to live this way for the rest of his life.
“But what if it never goes away?” Tucker asked. “If someone loves you, they can help you learn to live with this.”
His brothers didn’t understand what frightened him most was losing complete control, hurting the enemy only to wake up and realize it was the person he cared about the most. It was one reason he refused to stay at anyone’s home.
There was no way he could endanger them. Not someone he loved.
“No, can’t happen. Not until the doctor tells me this is gone and I’m okay,” he said.
The doctor had not given him much hope for it ever disappearing.
“All right, but I wish you would at least try,” Tucker said. “I’m happy for you. Now let me get back to sleep. I’ve got a wake-up call in two hours before I have to be on set with my new client.”
“Who is it?”
“I’m not going to tell you,” Tucker said. “But she’s a well-known artist who has the voice of an angel, the body of a goddess, and the strength of a lioness.”
Though he could not have a lasting relationship with a woman, he wanted the best for his brothers. They both deserved happiness.
“Damn, you have all the luck,” Tanner said. “Is she beautiful?”
“Gorgeous. But my job is to keep the idiots from coming after her. Some stupid asshole thinks she’s supposed to marry him. And yes, she’s so stinking beautiful, it’s really hard.”
Tanner laughed.
“Better you than me,” Tanner said. “All right, I’ll let you go. I’m getting off the freeway and onto the road to the ranch and you know how windy this stretch of highway can be.”
“Congrats, Tanner,” Tucker said. “But get over this being alone shit.”
“Never,” Tanner said as he disconnected. He wondered where his brother Travis was but knew better than to call. He and his new girlfriend were taking a week-long cruise together before she moved in with him at the ranch.
They had gone through a lot in the last month, and right now, they were having an unofficial honeymoon that he didn’t want to interrupt.
Tanner was so happy for Travis and knew it had been a long rocky road for him and love. But at least now he had found someone he could spend forever with.
Turning on the radio, he listened to a country and western song and thought about Emily. He wondered what she thought this morning when she woke and found his note lying on the pillow beside her.
God, he wished he was there to kiss her good morning. To make love to her once again. To run his hands over her body and enjoy the sounds of her moans.
Time to return to the real world. Time to forget about his great night spent in the arms of a beautiful woman. Time to get back to the running of the Burnett ranch.
