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“Yeah, it does.”
“Hey, ladies, what’s all this yakkin’? Is there food coming or what?” Dad came into the room wearing a big Christmas grin and a mistletoe headband over his Santa hat. People who said bikers were scary animals should come over to the Helm house on Christmas morning. They were all wearing red-striped onesie pajamas, and the resident big bad bikers were wearing a mistletoe headband and elf slippers with bells, respectively.
He hooked his arm around her mom’s waist and pulled her in close. “Uh oh! What’s this above my head?”
Laughing, Mom put her hands on his chest and pushed. “Mav! I’m gonna get chapped if you keep slobbering all over me!”
Unwilling to be dissuaded, and not really being resisted, Dad bent her over and planted yet another big ol’ kiss on her. As always, it went from rated G to R in about five seconds. Dad had his hand on Mom’s boob, and his tongue apparently somewhere around her lungs. He was still pretty bruised from his fight with Dex—less than a week ago—and still had sutures, but that wasn’t slowing him down much.
“UGH!” Kelsey said and scooted past the sudden sex-ed class happening at the breakfast table. “Your children are present, people!”
Without letting Mom up, Dad turned and grinned at her. “How do you think we got children in the first place, there, pix? You’re a vet. You know how it works.” And with that, Kelsey’s father thrust his hips and grunted.
Kelsey turned theatrically and covered her eyes.
“You are so disgusting!” Hannah chimed from the doorway at the other side of the kitchen. “OMG!”—she actually said the letters--“That should be, like, illegal!”
“What? What’d I miss?” Now Duncan was in the room. There was a smear of chocolate on her adult brother’s face. He’d been into his stocking. “Oh, that. Again.” He rolled his eyes and went back the other way.
Dad laughed and let Mom up. He smacked her butt as she walked past, and then he chased after Hannah, yelling “DADDY SMOOCHES INCOMING!” Hannah squealed and ran.
Smiling so big her cheeks ached, Kelsey went to the fridge to get the tube of Pillsbury Grands out. Hannah’s favorite biscuits. One of their many Christmas morning traditions.
Her family was often a pain in her butt, but it was always pretty awesome.
She led a charmed life.
