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“So you lose time instead? That’s not smart, Dex.”
“They make me slow, Kelse. I can’t be slow.”
It was the first time he’d ever called her ‘Kelse.’ Lots of people did—all of her nuclear family, many in the Bulls family, Maisie and her family—but it was an intimacy, an indication of closeness, and she loved to hear it in Dex’s low voice.
She also understood why he would choose sharpness over his meds. “Okay.”
“You can’t ever tell anybody in the club about this. Not your dad, not Duncan, nobody. Ever.”
He’d lose his rank as SAA, probably. And, frankly, it couldn’t be good that the man in charge of the Brazen Bulls’ protection and defense experienced dissociative events related to PTSD. However, it was not her place to intervene in club business, and it wasn’t her place to decide what Dex could and could not handle. Besides, he’d been SAA ever since Uncle Rad retired, and as far as she knew everybody thought he was great in the role.
“I won’t. I would never.”
“Thank you.”
He took another deep breath, and then they were quiet for a moment, until he squirmed uncomfortably. “Uh … I’m okay now. It’s never happened twice in the same day, so you don’t have to worry. You can go home.”
“Do you want me to go home?” Coming two minutes after she’d had the thought about how he’d shortened her name, the question gave her emotional whiplash. It was difficult not to feel rejected; Dex was always looking for ways to push her away—while holding her in place at the same time.
This time, he reached out from the blanket and picked up her hand. “No. I want you to stay.”
The best way, theonlyway, she could think to have what she wanted, to havehim, was to be patient while he wrestled with his misgivings.
She closed her fingers over his hand. “Then I’ll stay.”
