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But eventually, Petra had to go to work. Without Dre, there was no one else to tend bar, and now she also had to go through the process of hiring a new bartender—which scared her badly. How could she trust a stranger with Gertrude’s? Though the bar was hers, she’d mostly thought of it as hers and Dre’s. They’d been together when she’d inherited it, they’d planned and opened it together, and she’d always held out hope Dre could someday buy in and become a real partner. Hiring Dre’s replacement was nothing more than hiring an employee. It was afriendshe’d lost.
So she took her father home, made sure he had everything he needed, and promised to call the next day. When she went in for a hug, he grabbed her and held her doubly hard and doubly long. Petra settled in. Only a few more days of hugs like this.
She waited until she was back in her car to cry.
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~oOo~
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Deciding not to stopat home to change first, Petra went straight to Gertrude’s from her father’s house and arrived about ten minutes before three. There was a small U-Haul parked in the back lot. It had to be Dre.
She was not at all in the mood for another gut-wrenching moment in another important relationship, but it didn’t appear she had a choice in the matter. So she took a big, deep breath and went in.
The back door of the building opened first into the stairwell, which led up to the second floor apartment and down into the basement. The back door of the bar was at the end of a short hall, just past the stairwell.
That door was standing open. Was Dre taking shit out of the bar?Stealing? Petra hurried back to see what was up.
“Dre?” she called as soon as she was in the back room. Her office door was closed, and most of the lights back here were off. The kitchen was quiet; Max wasn’t due in for half an hour. “Dre!” she called again and pushed through the door to the bar proper.
Dre was in the bookshop, staring at the fireplace wall. Above the fireplace was a cheap print in a nice frame: the iconic Picasso portrait of Gertrude Stein.
“Dre,” Petra said again, more quietly now.
Dre didn’t acknowledge her except with a breath so deep their shoulders rose.
Petra wanted her friend. She wanted to tell them about the meeting with the ADA, and that her father was going to prison—next week, he was going. Mere days from now. It was more than want; sheneededher friend. Her confidant.
But she wasn’t sure if Dre was her friend anymore. If not, they couldn’t be her confidant, either.
Going up to stand at their side, she said, “I saw the U-Haul. You don’t have to leave, Dre. Please don’t.”
Still staring at Gertrude, Dre shook their head. “I can’t do this anymore, Pet. I’m just done.”
“I don’t understand. Jake’s not the first person I’ve dated since we broke up. He’s not even the first man I’ve dated since.”
They scoffed. “Man. Right.” Finally, they turned to her. “You really don’t get it, do you?”
“That’s what I’m saying. This feels like it blew up out of nowhere.”
“That’s because you’re a fucking princess and everybody bends over backward to make sure you’re happy. I fuckin’ did. Trying to be your friend when it sliced my heart open every day that you don’t love me anymore.”
“I love you, Dre. You know that.”
They scoffed again, more violently this time. “Don’t give me that bullshit about how youloveme, you’re just notin lovewith me anymore.” Their voice made a bitter caricature of Petra’s sincere feelings.
“It’s not bullshit. It’s the truth.”
“And it cuts me down every fucking day. Foryears.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She picked up on the other thing Dre had said. “And I don’t expect other people to make me happy. That’s not fair.”
“I didn’t say you expected it. Everybody just does it for you. You just enjoy the fruits of our backbends.”
Petra shook her head and turned to study the portrait. “It’s not fair to put that on me. I do the same work for the people I care about. That’s what relationships are—working to find the place both people are most content. Two people who both try.”
Dre laughed bitterly but didn’t speak. Petra was too emotionally exhausted to say more, or even to try to think about what Dre was saying. It just didn’t make sense.
