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"Leo might just be one lucky bastard," he says to her, but she lowers her head again and walks to the kitchen. "Hope, you're beautiful, don't hide it," he shouts at her towards the kitchen.
“She might finally be ready to open up,” I say as I watch her, hoping this is a good start.
“Those eyes, fuck. You could lose yourself into a different world looking at them.” Jackson shakes his head and takes a sip of his beer.
He’s right though. Those blue eyes, they make you feel like you’re sitting on the beach and looking out at the sea. “Every second she lets me look at them, I forget all the crap that’s happened to me.” I turn to the TV again before I start telling him all about my feelings for her.
It's another win with Hope today, and I hope that every day from here is a win too.
CHAPTER17
HOPE
The darkness is taking away allmy light, the light is shrinking.
"Hello princess, tonight you're all mine." I can't see her, but I can feel her breath on me. People don't believe that women can be this cruel too, but I know from my own experiences that they can. My eyes are clenched tight, and I'm trying to think of being somewhere else; somewhere bright and happy, but the darkness is too strong to let in any light.
I open my eyes. I don’t want to relive that, I don’t want to go back there. I wipe the tears away from my cheeks. “I know you’re here,” I say quietly, I can feel him in the room. I can always feel him around me.
“How about you come over here and sit on the bed with me?” Leo moves from the chair to the bed. The bed isn’t a good or nice place for me; a bed only brings bad memories and the demons around me.
"Do I have to?" I ask him, one thing I know about Leo is, he will always ask before he touches me.
“No, can we talk?”
I move over to the window and look out at the night lights. “What would you like to talk about?” I ask him as I turn to watch him. He walks over to me and sits on the chair by the window.
“About you, about the bed, about how I can make you smile.” He pulls me closer to him. “But first I want to ask about the TV.”
“I got to watch the TV for ten minutes every day and only if I was good the night before. They gave me a little radio so I could listen to music, but I was never allowed to let the volume get too loud.” I remember the punishments I got when I broke that rule; I still have the mark on my shoulder.
“The bed?” My body tenses up, I don’t want to share those things with him, but I also know that he needs to hear them. “Hope, do you trust me?’
"Yes." I do trust him, I do believe he wants to help me, and I know he wants to have some kind of relationship with me, but that's the part I'm scared of.
"Can you at least look at me?" I lift my head, my gaze settles on his face as he gets off the chair and makes his way to me. "Does your neck not hurt looking down all the time?" His hand moves to my neck, and he starts putting pressure on it, massaging the tense muscles for me. I close my eyes as it feels so nice. I've never been touched in a way that makes my body relax, and I don't want him to stop. I open my eyes when I hear Leo make a small sound, it's like he wants to laugh.
"Turn around." He spins me on the floor so that I'm facing the window looking out of it as he continues massaging my neck and shoulders. "Talk to me." Bringing all my hair together he puts it over my left shoulder, his legs move one on either side of me.
I stay quiet looking outside, wondering what knowing the awful details would do for him.
I bring my legs in and sit cross-legged. "I was never allowed to sleep on the bed. At first, I cried sleeping on the floor, but after a while, the floor was the safest place for me." I stop as I feel Leo's hands move to my shoulders. "I was only ever allowed on the bed when they—"
“You don’t have to tell me, I know where this is going.” Leo stops me, his hands also stop. He rests them softly on my shoulders.
“The floor is just...safe.”
Leo pulls me into his chest, and I can feel his heart beating against my back. He places a kiss on the top of my head, and he wraps his arms around me.
I feel safe in his arms, even though I can still feel the darkness around him, I still feel safe with him too.
Leo unwraps his arms from me. "Come on." I turn around to see what he's doing, and he throws two pillows on the floor. "We can start small." He puts his hand out for me, my eyes move between his hand and the makeshift bed.
“There are two pillows.”
“I thought I could lay with you for a while.” I stand up, moving closer to him. “Only if you say yes.” He moves some of my hair out of my face. “I’m hoping you say yes.”
I turn and walk over to the drawers to put some of my lotion on. It's getting colder, and my skin is getting harder, but I miss my walks to and from work. I miss being able to just go out and walk. Leo isn't holding me here so why don't I just go?
