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CHAPTER20
LEO
I letthe warm water run over my body. Hope is starting to make me feel things that I haven't felt for a woman before, and I know she isn't ready to even think about something like this. But I don't think I can stay away from her, the second her body touched mine outside, I wanted to kiss her again, touch her skin.
I close my eyes as the water runs down my face. I should stay away from her. I shouldn’t let my darkness mix with hers when she has so much of it already.
Turning the shower off, I grab a towel and wrap it around my waist. Then I walk into my bedroom to grab a pair of sweatpants. Standing outside of Hope's room, I watch her lying on the floor looking up at the sky out the window. I keep thinking of what I can do for her to sleep more comfortably on the floor. I thought about putting the mattress down there, but I didn't think that would work for her. Her and that bed is a fucked up situation, and I can understand where she's coming from with it.
Walking into the room, I grab the two pillows off the bed and walk around her. “I thought we were going to sleep with pillows now?” I say placing mine on the floor and wait for her to lift her head.
"I forgot." She lifts her head a little, and when I've placed her pillow, she puts her head down.
I lay beside her. “Am I ruining your view?” I turn onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.
"No." I turn my head to face her, and she asks, "Did you get any answers to finding him?"
Even though I don’t want her to know all the details about what I’m doing, I can’t hide who we’re looking for either. “A few,” I tell her.
Jackson and I talked tonight, and we both agreed that the closest lead we'll get is from the people that took Hope. They had her for a long time, which means the owner of the site came to check on her a few times or at least stayed in touch. But that is a conversation for tomorrow, as I don't want her to think aboutthemjust before she goes to sleep.
“Do you do anything for Thanksgiving?”
Her question surprises me. “Go to my parents for dinner.” This is normally the part where I ask what she does, but I don’t thinktheylet her have a dinner. "I hope you'll join us this year," I tell her.
“When is that?”
“November, so we still have a while yet.” I turn to lay on my side. “Do you think we can get something more comfortable for you on the floor? This must hurt sleeping like this all the time.”
I mean her bones already hurt her; the hard floor can’t be helping. Standing up, I grab the throw off the end of the bed.
“Do you want to sleep by the window, or over here?”
Hope stands up. “By the window, please.” She picks up both of the pillows, as I put out the blanket. Throwing the pillows on the bedroom floor, I lie down and watch Hope as she slowly lowers herself and sits down next to me.
Hope’s fingers trace my stomach where the scars are. “Do you ever wonder where your mom is now?”
I never feel any pain when she touches me. I don't care that she touches them. Others, I wouldn't even show them; the lights would be off, and if they did see them, I'd stop the conversation then and tell them to never ask questions again. But Hope, I want her to touch every single scar; I want her touch to heal every single one of them.
“I did a long time ago, but now I don’t care. Some of these scars are from her.” Taking her hand, I move it up slowly to the one scar on my collar bone and get her finger to trace the silvery line. “She cut me here when I was very little. She had a guy over and she cut me because I wouldn’t stay quiet. She was so high. I don’t even know how she was standing.” This scar still hurts when I think about that day.
I close my eyes as her fingers move to the small scar on my neck, there’s no way I could tell her all the stories, we would be here for weeks; it’s only the same as her not wanting to tell me everything about her past. The memories are too hard to relive.
I feel her finger move up more until it moves over my lips. Her hand stops and I open my eyes to see her looking at me. We stare at each other for a moment. I want to kiss her, I want to touch her, and I don't know if I should.
“Are you not going to kiss me?” Hope asks, my grip on her hand loosens and her fingers trace my lips again. I shouldn’t, she isn’t ready for this, but fuck do I want her to touch me.
I lick my lips, as her fingers move away. Our eyes are still locked with each other. I sit up and kiss her, taking her mouth with a burning passion running through me, tasting the sweetness. She whimpers against my mouth, and the vibration runs right through me.
I pull away from her. I can’t move on from here, not yet. “Hope—”
“Will you hold me tonight?”
"Always," I tell her, as I pull her closer to me, her head on my chest and I bring my arm over her waist. I lie listening to her breathing, and I smile as I hold her.
* * *
I’m listening to Jackson talking about a plan that he has about getting Hope’s buyer, but all I can do is look at Hope standing in the kitchen staring at the tiles. I bought her a book to learn how to change the tile that has been annoying her, but since she pointed it out, it’s been getting on my nerves too.
