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Last night with Hope was… I don't have words to say how it was. I thought she would have pushed me away, told me that she couldn't do it, but she didn't. She let me in and as much as I wanted to bring her to my bed, I knew she wouldn't be ready for that yet; one day.
Everything she did last night I know was new to her. Now I know she hashadsex—well she’s been raped and that’s not the same thing. It willneverbe the same thing. So, I knew everything I wanted to do. I wanted to make it perfect for her. I wanted her to know that sex can be amazing when it happens between two consenting adults who care for each other. Now I just have to hope she wants to do it again with me.
Making my way over to my room to have a shower, I hear Jackson downstairs. I love the man, but I wish he would fucking have breakfast at his own house once in a while. Walking into the bathroom, I look in the mirror, which is not something that I normally do. I've learned to live with the scars now, but that doesn't mean I like looking at them. Last night Hope was doing things to me that I like, things that make me want to smile every day.
Getting in the shower, I let the warm water run over my body. Closing my eyes, I replay everything about last night with Hope; the way she tasted, the way she smelled, the sound of my name leaving her lips. Just the thought about it happening again makes me hard.
I shake the thought out of my head; I need to take this slow with Hope. If I rush her, it could all go wrong. But I also need things to go slow for me. I can’t hurt her, I won’t hurt her. And until I findhim, until that part of my past, until that darkness is finally gone, I don’t know if I can move to the next step.
Making my way to the kitchen, Jackson gives me a knowing look. I can tell he’s stifling a smile. “Morning,” I say as I walk over to get some coffee.
"She's in there," Jackson answers my silent question, and I look over to see what she's doing. "She's been in and out a lot."
“How long you been here?”
He chuckles to himself, “Long enough to have a nice breakfast. So you overslept—”
“Is she okay?” I cut him off. I know he knows what happened, but I don’t what to hear what he thinks about it.
“Well, you seem more relaxed this morning, so I’m going to say tha—”
I turn to face him as anger bubbles up inside of me. "Yes, I had sex with her. No, I don't regret it, and I hope to be doing it again. Anything else you want to say?"
He shrugs. “You seem happy, so I’m happy. Just don’t get in too far if you can’t promise her the world. Other than that, I have nothing to say. But her skin looks like it fucking hurts.” He nods his head for me to look behind me.
I turn to see Hope as she brings two bottles of laundry detergent out with her. I stare at her arms, they do look like they hurt, and they look burnt. “What happened?” I walk over to her as she puts the bottles on the counter.
Standing next to her I place my hand on her hip, but she moves away from me and turns her head a little to Jackson’s direction
“Hope, are you okay?” I ask again and glance over at Jackson. I don’t want him to leave as I want her to start talking more freely around him.
“Um, I think the detergent is doing this.” She turns the bottles around and starts reading them.
“I think we need to go to the doctors.”
“I’ve had an allergy pill so it’ll be fine in a little while,” she tells me but doesn’t make eye contact. She hasn’t looked at me since I’ve come downstairs.
Does she regret last night?
Leaning on the counter, I watch as she reads the two bottles. My eyes flick over to Jackson for a moment as he watches her too. His eyes meet mine, and we have the silent conversation about when to talk to Hope abouthim.How is she connected to him and why does he want her?
I give him a small nod to let him know that I’ll ask her today, soon as she finishes what she’s doing.
“Do you want some help?” I ask picking up one of the bottles to see what she’s looking at.
“Just looking to see if there’s anything different in this one to the one I used the other day.”
I take a look at the back, then pick up the other and read that one. “This one doesn’t have dye in it.” I put it back on the counter. “We won’t be using this one again.” I wink as she finally looks at me and there’s a small smile on her face. I can’t wait for that to be a full smile that she shows to the world.
Hope puts the bottles back in the laundry room. “Would you like some breakfast?” she asks walking over to the cooker, but I stop her and pull her closer to me. She knows I want a kiss which makes her look to the side; she wants to make sure that Jackson isn’t behind her.
"I'm going to kiss you now, and I'll kiss you again and again. If Jackson had breakfast, lunch, and dinner at his own fucking place, you wouldn't have to worry about him being here, but we both know he'll be here, so you might as well get used to me kissing you while he's here." I give her a smile as she looks up at me, shaking her head. "So, are you going to give me the kiss I want?" I ask.
Leaning closer to me quickly, she gives me a peck and walks away from me. The smile on my lips right now must be that of a fifteen-year-old boy because Hope has just made one big step by giving me a peck in front of Jackson.
“Would you like some breakfast?” she asks me again.
“Please.” I walk around to sit next to Jackson. I don’t want to ask Hope abouthim,I don’t want to ruin her mood as she seems happy today. I watch her moving around the kitchen a lot more freely now. She still has her head down, but slightly higher than before. She could easily walk around this whole house with a blindfold on and not bump into anything.
