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“Hope’s pregnant.”
Jackson just stares at me for a moment. “If you didn’t have a smile on your lips, even though it’s a small one, I would say you didn’t want it.” He glances over at Hope then back to me. “I swear this is amazing. We’re going to be a family of four.”
“Four?”
“Oh, come on. You, Hope, me and the baby.”
I roll my eyes and try to ignore that comment for a moment. “You seem to have taken it better than I did.”
His eyes widen. “What the fuck did you do?”
Taking in a long drag of smoke, I cringe. “I froze. I love her Jackson, but a baby? A baby in our fucked up world?”
“Our world is fucked up because of one man; think about all this after that man isdead.”
I suppose Jackson is right, once Jack is dead maybe my life will be much calmer? I already know that Hope is the light in my life and perhaps this baby will bring the happiest time I've ever known.
“I’m going to say congratulations to Hope and tell her that I’m the Godfather.”
Pushing myself off the counter, I follow Jackson into the living room. I watch as he sits next to Hope. I can’t hear what he’s saying, but he’s smiling the whole time. At least one of us is showing Hope how happy they are. I’m a fucking dick that did nothing.
"Right, I'll see you in the morning, and we need to talk about this plan." Jackson pats my back as he walks past me to leave.
I sit beside Hope on the floor. “Are you happy?” I put my cigarette out in the ashtray as Hope watches the flames in the fireplace.
“Areyouhappy?” She doesn’t look at me again.
“Truth?”
“Please.”
"You being around me makes me so happy. You're the best thing to ever happen to me, and out of all this, that's all I want,you. You smiling every day makes me happy,” I tell her. She is my world now and I’m going to make it my mission to make her smile every day.
“And…”
I take her hand in mine. “The baby… I’ll admit it took me by surprise and I never saw my life with a womanora baby. I'll always have this darkness around me. I don't think it will ever leave and I never wanted to bring that darkness around someone else, someone innocent." I stop for a moment as her body shivers; she knows what I mean, she has her own past, her own darkness, but I've killed people, and I've enjoyed killing them, that darkness will never fade away.
“Hope, no matter what, I’m going to be here for you and our baby. Please don’t think I don’t want this, because I do. I think I just have to finish what I started to finally feel a little more free from the past.”
“Leo, I understand. Out of all the people you know, I’m the one who gets that. Even I keep fighting with myself.”
“About?”
She wipes the tears that have continued to leave damp trails down her face. "Should I keep it or not? Is it wrong to bring a child into a world that's so dark? I mean, I have no idea how to look after a baby. But then I think about keeping it because this baby could be the light that I always wish for."
A little chuckle leaves my lips. “I was thinking the same thing. Can two broken people really win in the end? But you’re my light. So whatever it is that makes you shine, I’m going to do it.”
“Leo, not for me, but do you want this baby for you?”
"You're saying this baby will be the light in your life and I'm hoping that it will get rid of the darkness in mine too. So yes, I do want this baby and who knows, we both might enjoy this journey, and we can practice making more." I lean closer to her. "I'm going to kiss you now, and I'm going to kiss you every day, for the rest of my life."
* * *
I called the doctor this morning to see if she could come over to the house so we can talk, but she had appointments and said she would come over to the office this afternoon.
“Morning beautiful,” Jackson says as he looks behind me. I turn around to give Hope a kiss as she walks over. Jackson grins. “So, as you’re both going to be redoing this kitchen and making a nursery, my house is open for you when you need somewhere to stay while the work is being done. But only and I meanonlyuntil the baby is born. Once the baby is here you both have to leave."
I roll my eyes. “You know one day I might hit you.” Jackson starts laughing as I put breakfast on the counter for us all. “And before you go any further… your plan to catch Jack? We’ll do it, but you must think I’m stupid if I’m letting you get too close to him.”
