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I nodded in understanding, but was confused as to why his illness when he was young would stop us being together. “Josh, as devastating as it is that you were so ill when you were young, why would that stop us beingtogether?”
He sighed loudly. “Part of the treatment for leukemia is chemotherapy, and I ended up having to have a pretty high dose.” He paused, brushing his fingers over my cheek. “The doctors told my parents the chemo would affect my fertility, and said it was unlikely I’d be able to have children. I didn’t know how I could be with you knowing I could never give you a baby. I knew early on that if I allowed myself to be with you, I’d never want to let you go. It was easier to push you away, to try to make you hate me. It tore me up knowing how much I hurt you over the years, but I thought I was doing the rightthing.”
I didn’t know what to say. All this time he’d wanted to be with me, but without even talking to me, he’d decided he couldn’t give me what I wanted—what he thought Iwanted.
“Did you not think I could decide for myself what was best for me?” I asked quietly. “I wanted you, Josh, not what you could give me in 10 or 15years.”
“I’m sorry, I should have talked to you,” he replied sheepishly. “I just couldn’t bear the thought of you resenting me when the time came to have a baby and I couldn’t give youone.”
“We would have gotten through it Josh. There would have been other options. We would have had each other, and that would’ve beenenough.”
“Is it still enough now?” he asked, the vulnerability on his face making me love him evenmore.
“Yes,” I told him with a smile. I watched as he let out a long breath, almost as if he had been waiting for my answer before breathing. “I want a family, I can’t pretend I don’t. That’s why there was never a chance that I would terminate this pregnancy, even though the circumstances weren’t ideal. But, I also want you. It’s always been you.” I paused. “Can you handle all that comes with being with me? I come with some pretty big baggage, and I need to know that you’re okay with me having thisbaby.”
He lifted my chin with his fingers and waited until my eyes met his before he responded. “I can’t pretend I didn’t wish it was my baby you were carrying. I’d give anything for that to be the case, but I need you to know that I will love this baby as if it were mine. I’m going to prove to you how important you are to me, how lucky I am to have you—to have youboth.”
A feeling of apprehension swirled in my stomach. Was Josh’s sudden change of heart because I was pregnant and this was his opportunity to be a dad? Would he still want me if I wasn’t pregnant? I felt him put his arms around me as he guided me into his lap. He traced his hands up my bare thighs and underneath my t-shirt, his hands coming to rest on my waist. I dropped my head, his lips brushing against mine in a soft kiss. As the kiss intensified, I lost myself in him, all feelings of apprehension disappearing as he consumedme.
He broke the kiss and lifted my t-shirt above my head, throwing it onto the floor next to him. I sat straddling him, naked except for my panties, his hands resting back on my waist. I felt my face flush as his eyes roamed my body and I dropped my head into his shoulder, trying to hide myself from him. I had always been confident about my body, but being pregnant and watching myself slowly change, I was rapidly losing that confidence with each passingweek.
“Hey,” he whispered, slowly forcing me to sit up. “What’s wrong? Is this too fast?” I shook my head, moving my arms across my chest and stomach. I watched as a frown appeared on his face as he saw what I was doing. “Why are you covering yourself up?” he asked gently. I shrugged my shoulders and dropped my eyes from his. “Savannah,” he coaxed. “Talk to me, baby. What’swrong?”
“I’m pregnant Josh…my body’s going to be different than the other girls you’ve been with.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m just scared you won’t like what you see,” I said, and to my horror, I heard him laugh. My head flew up to look athim.
“You’re joking, right?” he exclaimed, stilllaughing.
Folding my arms over my naked chest, I glared at him. “Does it look like I’m joking? Jackass!” I said angrily, trying to get out of his grasp and off hislap.
His hands tightened around my waist as his fingers gently dug into my skin. “Stop,” he whispered. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I can’t take my eyes off you—I’ve never been able to take my eyes off you.” One of his hands left my waist and snaked around my neck, finding its way into my hair. He gently pulled my head down and pressed his lips against mine in a tender kiss. “And this…” he said, pulling out of the kiss and placing his hand on my slightly rounded stomach. “This makes you even more beautiful.” He kissed me again, this time with more intensity, and as I relaxed into his embrace, I kissed him back, my hand pressing against his hard chest. “I plan on showing you just how beautiful I think you are,” he said as he lifted me off the sofa. I wrapped my legs around him, dropping my head on his shoulder as he carried me upstairs toward my bedroom, neither of us saying aword.
My heart was poundingas he carried me. I’d waited so long for this to happen, I could barely believe it was real. Nerves swirled in my stomach at the thought of finally being with him and I kissed his neck, tracing my tongue over his skin. He moaned as his hands gripped me tighter. Lifting my head, my mouth found his and he kissed me with an intensity I’d never known before. Pulling away, he peppered kisses down my neck, and I dropped my head to the side, allowing him better access as goose bumps erupted on myskin.
Before I knew it, we were in my bedroom and he was laying me on the unmade bed, his body gently pushing me down into the mattress. He kissed me again, his tongue brushing against my bottom lip. I opened up to him and his tongue dueled with mine. His jean-clad leg pushed against the thin material of my panties and I gasped in pleasure as he pushed his leg harder against me. “Josh,” I moaned into hismouth.
“What do you need baby?” he asked with a chuckle as he moved his kisses from my mouth, down my neck, to my chest. My breathing became labored and I was unable to answer him as he found my nipple and sucked it into his mouth, his tongue flicking against it. I arched my back, wanting to get as close to him as possible. Everything was extra sensitive now that I was pregnant, and I knew if he continued, I was going to come just from his mouth on me. I hadn’t noticed that one of his hands had moved down my body until I felt him trying to tug my panties down my legs. Releasing my nipple from his mouth with a pop, he sat back on his heels and used both hands to slowly remove my underwear. I was panting by then, and I whimpered as his fingers brushed the insides of mythighs.
“You look so beautiful Savannah,” he said softly, bending my leg and kissing around my knee. “I can’t wait to see you fall apart.” His kisses trailed up the inside of my thigh, all concerns of being naked in front of him forgotten as he kissed his way closer to where I needed him. I gasped as his mouth made contact with where my panties had been, my head thrashing from side to side. My hands gripped the comforter as Josh continued, and I cried out as I felt him gently push a finger inside me. He slowly moved his finger in and out, and I moanedagain.
“More,” I begged, reaching my hands down to his head, my fingers gripping his hair as I pushed him closer against me. He inserted another finger and began pumping in and out, his mouth still on me. “God, don’t stop!” I exclaimed, my legs involuntarily tightening around his head, trapping him between my legs. I felt him chuckle against me and a heat, the intensity of which I’d never felt before, began to build in the pit of my stomach. Josh, somehow sensing that I was close, increased the speed of not only his fingers but his tongue too, and I exploded against his mouth. I moaned his name over and over as I rode the wave of the most powerful orgasm I’d everexperienced.
I relaxed back into the bed, dropping my shaky legs from the sides of his head. He moved up my body, lavishing kisses all over my slightly rounded stomach. Eventually he kissed his way up my whole body until he found my mouth, and I kissed him hungrily, tasting myself on his lips. He lay to the side of me so his weight wasn’t pressing down on my stomach. His leg was thrown over mine, and I could feel his erection pressing hard against my leg. His hand was in my hair, holding my mouth to his. My heart was pounding and my breathing was labored again by the time he pulled away, the fire in the pit of my stomach stirring as his mouth dropped to my ear and he whispered, “That was incredible Sav. I’ve dreamed about doing that to you.” His breath tickled my neck and I shivered in his arms. “Can I make love to you?” he asked, kissing my ear and down my neck. I nodded, unable to speak, afraid that if I did, I would somehow ruin it and he’d suddenlydisappear.
He stood up and quickly removed his t-shirt, leaving him in just his jeans. I sat up and watched him, his eyes never leaving mine as his hands reached for the button of his jeans. My eyes dropped as I watched him undo all the buttons, gasping when I realized he wasn’t wearing any underwear. Pushing his jeans down his legs, his erection sprang free, and I swallowed nervously. I obviously wasn’t a virgin, but the guys I’d slept with had meant nothing to me. Josh, on the other hand, meant everything, and I didn’t want to mess itup.
He must have noticed my apprehension as I saw him frown, his face full of concern. He sat on the bed and took my hand. “Is everything okay? We don’t have to do this, we canwait.”
“No, no, I want to,” I rushed out, gripping his hand. “It’s just, I’ve never been with anyone I’ve had feelings for.” I paused, looking down at our joined hands. “I don’t want to mess itup.”
“Look at me Savannah,” he said softly, and I raised my head, my eyes meeting his. “You could never mess this up. It will be perfect, because you’reperfect.”
I smiled at his words and he gently pushed me back on the bed so I was lying beneath him. He kissed me again, gently to begin with, but it soon became heated and I snaked my hands into his hair. As he kissed around my jaw and down my neck, my breathing became ragged again. His mouth found my nipple and his fingers massaged my other breast as he worked me up to a boiling point once more. Releasing my nipple from his mouth, he positioned his erection between my legs, and then he pushed inside me. I gasped at the sting I felt as he slowly filled me. When his hips met mine, he suddenly stilled. “What’s wrong?” Iasked.
“I won’t hurt the baby, will I?” he askedbreathlessly.
“No, Josh, please move,” I begged, wiggling my hips in an attempt to get him to continue. Chuckling, he pulled out, gently thrusting into me. He did this four or five times, my body moving with his in a perfect rhythm. His gentle movements were pushing me closer to a second orgasm, but I needed more; I could tell he was holding back, afraid he would hurt me. “Harder Josh.” I breathed against his lips. “I won’tbreak.”
“Okay baby,” he whispered before kissing me again, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth. He slowly increased the speed of his thrusts, and I whimpered as he pulled almost completely out before slamming his hips against mine. My orgasm was getting closer and I moaned as he bent his head, taking my nipple into his mouth again. God, what this man could do with his tongue was incredible, and I never wanted him to stop. I began to notice that his breathing was becoming more labored and his movements more urgent. I felt his hand reach between my legs and flick my clit, which pushed me over the edge, and I called out his name again as I came, my body erupting around him. My orgasm triggered his as he thrust once more before exploding inside me, his body shuddering as he dropped down on top of me, being careful not to put his weight on my stomach. I could feel his heart racing in his chest, his breaths coming in pants. A thin layer of sweat covered our bodies, and I reached my arms around him, holding him against me. After a few minutes, he lifted his head, kissing mesoftly.
