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“Careful, babe.” He says as he holds me against his chest, his breath brushing the top of my head. He smells amazing, like cedar wood and something else. Finally I free my foot from the confines of the stool, and I can hold myself upright. Alder lets me go once I’m standing by myself, his hand sits lightly on my shoulder making sure I’m steady. “Let’s do that again in slow motion.” He laughs, and the adrenaline from almost falling races through me. I laugh with him and take a step back from his space.
“Thank you, that would have been really embarrassing.” I look down at myself, making sure my outfit is okay. The leather pants I’m wearing have a slight scuff at the bottom but other than that, they’re no worse for wear. The fringe black top lifted a little bit from the fall, so I pull it down quickly.
“I don’t think anyone saw.” He says, looking over my head to make sure no one is looking, but he cringes his straight white teeth against his bottom lip. “Except your boy.”
“He’s not my boy.” I say turning around to find Rhyit. His eyes are zeroed in on where Alder’s hand still sits on shoulder. There might as well be steam rolling out of his ears with the anger radiating off of him. Interesting.
“Do you want a drink?” Alder asks, pulling me from my standoff with Rhyit.
“I’d love one. Vodka soda with lime, please.” I reply with a smile. Alder turns to the bar next to us and starts making the drinks. I watch as he adds the ice, the vodka then the soda, and then he grabs the lime wedge and twists it so the juices sit at the top of the drink. He drops the lime in the drink and slides it to me.
“Thanks,” I smile, taking a small drink. He smiles back, and all I can think about is how many hearts this boy is going to break. He’s good looking, sweet, and…not for me. I sigh at the thought and take a hefty drink. I apparently have an affinity for damaged musicians, with cocky smirks and a drug problem. As if on cue, a plate full of white powder appears on the table next to the bar. Top hat and bandana notice it first and motion to Rhyit and Boston. I watch from my spot next to the bar as all four men make their way to the table.
Boston pulls a hundred dollar bill from his wallet, rolling it up tightly to make a tube. He hands the tube to Rhyit like they’ve done this a million times, and they probably have. They used to partake occasionally back in the day, but after I left, that’s when the real party started.
Rhyit takes the tube from Boston and hesitates before he lowers his head. He looks over at me, and he searches my face for…approval? I shrug my shoulders, I’m not his mother or his girlfriend. Boston asked me to talk to him about his using, but Boston is no better, the hypocrisy of the whole situation pisses me off more than the actual drugs.
“Do whatever you would normally do when you’re on tour.” I say with pursed lips. Rhyit narrows his eyes at me across the bar, the rolled up bill moving in between his fingers anxious.
“Is this a trick?” He asks. “Like you saying you’re fine and then not speaking to me for three fucking years.”
“Nope. We’re band mates, nothing more nothing less.” I spit, and even I know I’m fucking lying. We will always be more. His eyes narrow further, my comment pissing him off no doubt. He nods as his jaw locks, and he turns back to the boys as top hat guy cuts a line with the razor blade, the silver device cuts through the white powder like a shovel through the snow. Once the line is ready, Rhyit looks to me one more time, but I’m not looking at him, I’m inspecting my drink like it holds the answers to the universe. I watch out of the corner of my eye as he places the bill against his nostril and covers the other. He looks at me with his face against the plate with a devilish smile, knowing I’m watching him even if I’m not staring at him. He inhales the powder through the bill quickly and pulls his head back from the plate. His index finger runs along the plate where the line just was, and he rubs the excess against his gums.
Boston takes the bill from Rhyit and repeats the process, although he doesn’t look to me for permission. The boys stand back as the other two guys cut their lines. Another blonde guy, I assume from the same band, walks up to the plate and does his line as well. Alder stands next to me as the plate is passed to him.
“You wanna bump, Pistol?” Alder asks as he takes the bill from the blonde guy. I know I shouldn’t, I don’t like cocaine, never have, but if I did it with Alder, Rhyit would lose his fucking mind. I smile at the thought but shake my head anyway.
“No, thanks,” I answer him, “but by all means.” I motion to the plate. Alder isn’t someone I would scold for drug use, I don’t know the guy outside of the last half hour. It’s no dirt off my boots if he wants to partake.
“10 minutes!” A guy with a clipboard appears in the doorway of the room. He takes a look around the room and rolls his eyes, I’m sure he’s seen much worse.
I grab my sticks from the small side table I set them on and go to one of the vanity mirrors along the wall to check my reflection and makeup.
“I just wanted to tell you that you’re beautiful. Like way prettier in person than in magazines.” Alder says, startling me slightly. I didn’t even hear him walk up next to me.
“I might need to keep you around, you’re damn good for my ego.” I laugh as I inspect my lipstick, my signature red heavily coating my lips.
“We’ll see each other a few times throughout the summer.” He says with a smile, his pupils blown. “We’re going out on tour too.”
“That’s awesome.” I exclaim, grabbing my drink from the vanity counter. I’m serious, it will be nice to have a familiar face out on tour.
“Maybe we can get together.” He shrugs, looking uncomfortable. He fidgets slightly with his hands, and the movement reminds me of Alex. He was comfortable talking to me, but he still fidgeted. The thought brings a wave of different emotions but the main one is happiness. I cup my hand over his fidgeting fingers, bringing his face back to me from the ground, the same way I used to with Alex when he got lost in his head talking to me.
“I’d like that.” I say with a smile. He smiles back, full teeth showing, and I swoon a little bit. Those poor girls aren’t going to know what hit them when he gets a little more confident.
“You gonna watch from the wings?” I ask, letting go of his hand to fluff my hair a little more.
“Hell yeah.” He says excitedly. “Getting to see you perform is on my bucket list.”
I laugh loudly, it’s still surreal that I have legit fans, people who dress like me, wear their hair like me, have my face on their shirts. I had a girl cry in a store once when she ran into me, she was so excited.
“Watch the lick in Nightmare, it’ll blow your mind.” I wink as I start walking towards the door. The look on his face is comical, a mixture of appreciation and lust.
Rhyit stands outside the door with his back braced against the cracked cement his ankles crossed, like he was waiting for me. When I exit the room, he looks up, his smirk cocky as he pushes off the wall. A cigarette sits between his fingers, and he takes a long drag before dropping his snide comments.
“Did you find a puppy?” He sneers, referring to Alder. “Bet he’d lick your boots if you asked him to.”
“Careful, Rhy, you’re jealousy is showing…. And he probably would lick my boots, but I might let him lick something else.” I wink, and he grimaces at me.
