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“I am so sorry,” she said. “I am so sorry for the way that he hurt you. And it is worse. It’s worse than what happened to me. I understand that. It’s why I am willing to do this again. Why I am willing to make a fool of myself for you. To consider not my own comfort here. But you have to meet me somewhere.”
“No,” he said.
She straightened her dress and turned fully to face him, grabbing hold of the sides of his face. “You want this. You wanted it, but you’re standing on the edge, afraid to jump in. Afraid to submerse yourself. You’re afraid of going all the way with this, and I get that. I do. But we are the only ones that can fix this. No one’s going to do it for us. No one else cares enough. You, with all your money and power, you could’ve remained broken forever if you chose. I am the only one standing here telling you to fix yourself. And you are the only person... Yes, Soriya provided me with clarity. Yes, she made me want to be better. But you were the first thing when I woke up, when I remembered nothing. You were what made me want this life. She has grounded me here. And she gives me purpose. But you matter. Oh, you matter so very much. Please don’t forget.”
“I...”
“What can I do for you?”
“We should... I should leave you. I should leave you alone for a while. I should...”
“No,” she said.
“I can’t give you what you want.”
“That’s okay.” A tear slid down her cheek. “That’s okay if you can’t do it right now. I want it. Please make no mistake. I want it more than I want anything else. For you to love me. No one has ever loved me. No one. Soriya will because she’s my child. And you know how that is. I loved my mother. You loved your father. I am grateful for that love. But I have fought hard through the wilderness to be brave enough to love you, Krav. And I want you to love me that same way. I want you to love me enough. But... I’ll be patient.”
“I don’t deserve your patience. I don’t need it.I don’t want it.” He paced back and forth, like a caged animal.
A cage he had built for himself.
“Because you don’t know how much you need this. Because you don’t understand what love is, do you?”
“I need to go.”
“Where?”
“Cambodia. I need to go back there. Because it was the only place that I have her... It’s the only place.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“No. I need to go alone.”
She shook her head. “We’ve done this. We’ve done separation, haven’t we? You withdrew from me and I went away. Look what happened. Do you want me out of your life?”
“No.”
“It’s just that you don’t want to love me.”
“I don’t think I can.”
“Let me go with you.”
“Damn it,” he said. “Damn you to hell, Riot. Can’t you just leave me? Can you let me go?”
“Why? So you can try to fix this on your own? So that you can come to all the conclusions about why you don’t need to fix it? No. You were able to have me without changing. That was the gift of my amnesia, wasn’t it? You could pretend that all the mistakes you made were gone. But I remember them. I know them now. I’m still standing here willing to love you. But you have to do the work. I will stand there with you while you do it. You don’t have to be alone in this.”
“It’s not that simple...”
“It can be. If you’ll let it.”
“I don’t love you.”
“Stand in the ruins and tell me that.”
And he stood there, rage burning inside of him, anger, at this woman for pushing him. Challenging him. He wanted to tell her to leave him the hell alone. But he was also terrified of what life might look like if she was gone.
Coward.
