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He’d never envisaged being a father.
The prospect didn’t warm him or thaw him; it terrified him. He thought of the complete mess his father had made of things...of his own terrible reputation. Of his innate refusal to let anyone close to him. Where it had come from, he did not know, Ethan just knew it was there. And an emotional desert didnot, to his mind, a good father make.
And then he heard her voice.
‘It takes a bit of getting used to, doesn’t it?’
He didn’t answer. Ethan doubted he would ever get used to it.
He walked down the corridor, and the only indication that he wasn’t quite as calm and collected as he was making out was the slight cuss he gave when the security card didn’t unlock the door on his first swipe.
It was odd to be back in this suite, Merida thought as she stepped inside. The last time they had barely been able to keep their hands off each other; now they stood far apart as he poured two drinks.
‘I can’t have that,’ Merida pointed out.
That didn’t stop him. He took a drink as he looked at her, and she wished—how she wished—she could work out what was going on in his mind. He looked completely together—as if he’d just come back from a night at the theatre, rather than made a mad dash to JFK, having found out he was to be a father.
And then he asked a question. ‘Is there any doubt that it’s mine?’
She could have slapped him. ‘Do youreallyhave to ask?’
‘Yes,’ Ethan said. ‘I really have to ask.’
By Devereux standards she was getting off lightly—DNA evidence would usually be required before they even met face to face.
He’d been through this before. Not directly, but with Abe. It had turned out that the baby wasn’t his.
There had also been a few pregnancy scares over the years with his father, though all that had eased off in the last decade.
‘Is it mine?’ he asked again.
‘Yes,’ Merida said. ‘There’s been no one else before or after that night. I was avirgin, Ethan,’ she pointed out.
‘You said you were on the Pill. That you had it “all covered”.’ He put his fingers up and mimed quotation marks, because he had replayed that morning several times.
‘Iwason the Pill,’ Merida said. ‘I used to take it at night. I thought that I’d be home to take it.’
Merida looked at his rigid, unreadable face. Her voice rose to a near shout.
‘I meant to take it when I got changed for the audition, but I forgot, and then, after you ended things, I was upset.’
‘And now you’re angry and threatening lawyers?’
‘I only said that because I couldn’t get through to you.’
‘Well, you’re through to me now.’ He gave a black smile. ‘Why the wait, Merida? We could have been having this conversation three months ago.’
‘I only recently found out...’ she attempted, but then decided it was best not to lie. ‘I’ve been avoiding facing it.’
‘Why?’
‘Why do you think?’
‘I’m not here to play guessing games. Why have you been avoiding facing it and telling me?’
‘Because as much as I didn’t want to be pregnant, I didn’t want an abortion. Something told me that that might be your suggestion.’
He said nothing to that.
