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‘Let’s not worry about that now.’
‘But I do,’ she said. ‘Not about him, but his children. Including the giant one standing in front of me. Although maybe not any more.’
Dante sat beside her and Alicia was glad that he did, for it meant she didn’t have to look at him as they said their last goodbyes.
‘I hate this fountain,’ she told him.
‘I might soon,’ Dante agreed. ‘Please don’t leave.’
‘Why?’ she sniped. ‘Because you’ve got no one left now? Did you tell him about Roberto?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘I told him I was going to be here more often, and that I was done with being his front man, and then we had a bizarre hour in which I gave my father a very stern lesson about contraception and how angry I am, and how he needs to lift his game fast. But we’re still talking. Maybe.’ He looked over to her. ‘I’ve also been doing some thinking—’
‘Dante,’ she cut in. ‘I’ve done a lot of thinking too.’
‘That sounds ominous.’
‘All those years, all those letters... Beatrice knew where to find me, but she chose not to.’
‘You don’t know that.’ He was unsure what to say; he did not want to give false hope. ‘I think Reverend Mother is being evasive. I’m sure there’s more.’
‘Of course there is. But if she’s alive then she’s a woman now. I’ve sat like some forlorn dog waiting. I’ve spent the last decade trying to find her...’ She gave a shake of her head. ‘I’m glad that you’re beginning to sort things out with your family.’
He was silent.
‘I’m glad you’re not just walking away without a backward glance as you walked away from me,’ Alicia said boldly. ‘We had a whole childhood of memories and then that day as young adults—that one glorious day—and then you walked away.’
‘I was twenty.’
‘You’re thirty now,’ she said.
‘And I’m asking you not to walk off.’
‘No.’ She could no longer hold it in. ‘You had every means available and yet you never looked me up. If it wasn’t for my actions we’d never have seen each other again... If I hadn’t pursued things we’d never have met again. You’d have let me go like Beatrice did, like my parents did...’ She shook her head. ‘I am sick of chasing people...running after crumbs...’ She was crying rivers and didn’t even try to wipe them away. ‘So, thank you for a wonderful weekend. We’re done. I mean that.’
‘No, you don’t.’
‘I do. I’m going to sell these clothes and these earrings and then I’m turning into a swan.’
‘Well, they’re not glass,’ he told her, ‘so get them properly valued before you put them online.’
‘I shall—and I’m going to give this body to someone who craves it, and give this love to someone who wants it, or...’
‘Or what?’
‘I’m going to dress up in the silver dress and go to a bar and pick up a man...’
‘Are you?’
Alicia nodded. ‘I am going to have sex with a stranger.’
‘You deserve to,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to love you,’ Dante said. ‘Because you make me care and worry. I have guilt, and all the things I don’t want to know, that I swore I had had a gutful of with my mother. But I do. And it’s a different type of worry and caring. You’re right. I never wanted to come back for you, but I could never let you go.’
‘Oh, you say the nicest things now that I’m leaving...’ she sneered. ‘Last night you wanted to be nothing more than part-time lovers.’
‘You were right—that would never work,’ he dismissed. ‘Can’t blame me for trying, though.’
‘Trying what?’
