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‘When you listened to all those rumours and I asked you not to. When you insinuated I was paying you or using you. Alicia, I watched men walk away from my mother without a glance; I thought that was normal. I heard what happened in her room and I hated it. I couldn’t stand anyone to touch me, but I loved holding your hand. Until things changed—because we changed.’
Alicia swallowed.
‘You asked if I would want to know if I had a child...’
‘You said no...’
‘Because I thought you were asking about your parents. I was so cruel, because I knew that unless it was with you there was no baby.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘They said it was a girl from the house...’
‘I can’t even drive past it, let alone get it up in there! Alicia, when I brought you here the other day I was kissing you, and then I backed out of telling you.’
‘Telling me what.’
‘You weren’t the only virgin that day.’ He waved at the lady who was sitting near them and had turned around. ‘There was no one before you, and for long while after, and then I went a bit wild... Quite a bit.’
‘Dante, I thought you knew everything.’
‘God, no. I’m better with my fingers now, I hope.’
‘I only know you.’
‘I understand that now.’ The responsibility of love no longer daunted him, it was losing it that terrified. ‘Will you come back with me, please? I have something to show you.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Come on.’
He took her hand and led her the gentler way to his residence—and yet it felt steeper and more risky than the stairs. He led her back to his chambers and the bed she had left. She stood next to it as he went to a dresser.
‘Come here.’
He opened up a small, heavy wooden box, and inside were two things that perhaps mattered to him more than anything else—two dried flowers. One peony, the other a chrysanthemum...his and hers.
‘From your mother’s grave?’ Alicia said.
‘I don’t often think of that when I look at them,’ he said. ‘Maybe sometimes. But mostly I think of you...’
She looked in the box and there was a photo of him with his mother.
‘It’s the only one I have her. I swear I don’t have mummy issues, but I did speak to Reverend Mother and she said I need to think of one nice thing to help change my memories of her. I am so glad she sent you those parcels, as odd as that was, because it meant you kept that mirror. I think if you had known it was from me then you might have tossed it away.’
It terrified her to think of it.
‘We’ll take it slowly,’ she said.
‘No need now,’ he said. ‘As I mentioned, I’ve been sorting myself out, quitting the casinos and stuff, and I think I was working my way back to you. I have my nice thing to think of when I think of my mother and I have peace. But I’d have more peace with you.’
‘I would too.’
‘Aren’t you going to look at the photo?’
‘Am I in it?’ She smiled, but she was teary as she looked at the image.
‘No, just me.’
It was very small and faded, his mother so beautiful and Dante just a child. As she lifted it, more curious than someone who didn’t love another should be, her breath caught at what lay beneath.
