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‘I... It’s not my place,’ she said, turning to leave the room.
Loukis leaned forward and switched on the lamp beside the laptop, the shaft of light cutting off her escape.
‘Well, as my fake fiancée for now, you might as well spit it out.’
She turned back to him, as if reluctant. Her eyes large, glowing and wary as if she knew what she had to say would hurt him. Loukis almost laughed at himself then.Christos.What was it with the women in his life?
‘It’s just a shame, Loukis, that’s all. I know you have a complicated relationship with your mother, but Annabelle looked like she was having fun.’
The silent accusation that he might have somehow taken away that fun cut him deep. Meredith was the danger, not him. He was doing everything in his power to protect his sister. And if that protection came at the cost of being spoiled rotten by a flaky woman whose only claim to motherhood was birth, then so be it.
‘Oh, fun. Yes, I remember “fun” Meredith,’ he bit out. Because he did. He remembered the mother who would arrive at the school, middle of the day sometimes, and whisk him away to the beach, on a yacht, or a trip to the zoo, or to shops full of the best toys. He remembered the way his room had filled with useless presents designed to prove her occasional affections, to make up for the rest of the time. He remembered a woman he thought had hung the moon and more, who made him feel as if he were the only other person in the world. Until something brighter and shinier came along to distract her. Usually a man other than her husband, with more money than sense, who might or might not have owned an island, or a villa in a different part of Greece, or even Europe. Then, he wouldn’t see her for weeks. Her absence marked only by a new toy.
‘But I also remember the Meredith who would leave me waiting in a playground for three hours before my father could come and get me. Not just once, Célia. Nearly once a week. I remember the Meredith who was too busy enjoying the delights of the Riviera to return for Christmas. Not just the day, the whole damn holiday. I remember the woman who walked out on her daughter one day and never looked back, until now. I remember the nights, weeks, months of Annabelle crying herself to sleep, asking where her mother was and why she wasn’t coming back. It was nearly a year before she stopped asking after Meredith. And what do you think will happen to Annabelle, how do you think she’ll feel, when Meredith tires of her returned plaything, and wants to drop her off again and disappear? What will Annabelle remember then?’
His voice had grown louder and harsher throughout and he realised he was shaking with anger. Anger for Annabelle, anger for himself, and anger towards Célia, who had only pointed out something he had already been castigating himself for.
He couldn’t bear to look at her, fearing and resenting that she had called forth such blatant vulnerability from him. He never spoke about his mother, never spoke about his memories of her. She had left and not once looked back. Not even for his father’s funeral. So he had wiped her from his mind, cut her from his life as ruthlessly as a surgeon removing dangerous cells from the body.
He felt Célia’s hand on his, and this time it was his turn to flinch. And just as he had done in the restaurant, Célia maintained the delicate contact between them, adding to it even, as she reached for his chin to guide his gaze to hers.
‘I am sorry that happened to you.’ The sincerity in her gaze scoured. It scoured because in some ways having her understand, having her apology, opened up the hurt in a way it had not been before. Desperate to stifle it, to shove the lid back down hard, Loukis turned back to where the laptop was open on his desk.
‘But what if Meredith does actually want a relationship with Annabelle? What if shedoeswant to be part of her life? Is that not worth exploring, even if just a little?’
Loukis couldn’t help the bitter laugh that escaped at her naivety. ‘That woman isn’t capable of thinking of anyone else but herself.’
‘That’s possible. Even likely, given what you’ve shared. But...’
He was getting tired of trying to sift through her words to find the heart of what she meant. He both wanted and feared her spelling it out, because if he was honest, he thought he might know what she was about to say.
‘Just say it, Célia.’
‘She will need to make her own mind up, Loukis. She will need to figure out her own feelings about Meredith. And you need to be a safe space for that. Youneedto be non-judgmental as she works through it, because if you don’t then you’ll be the one creating the wall between you and her, not her and Meredith. If Annabelle’s mother is as bad as you say, she’ll reveal herself and it will devastate your sister. And she will need you for that.’
He met her statement with the clenched jaw of someone who knew he was in the wrong and she was in the right.
‘But your reaction is totally normal. You’re acting just like any other parent going through a custody battle.’
‘I’m not a parent,’ he ground out.
‘Really?’ she asked, her head to one side as if inspecting him for a deeper truth. ‘You are looking to be granted full custody of a child you have spent three years feeding, housing, clothing and caring for and you deny that you’re a parent? If not for that, then why are you doing this? Because, Loukis, if you’re doing this just to get back at your mother then...’
Then you are just as bad as her.
The unspoken accusation hung in the air between them, a bell that had tolled its tale and rippled out into his consciousness. He shook his head against her words, trying to dislodge the barb that had hooked into his mind.
‘I’m going to bed,’ she said gently before leaving the room. He barely acknowledged her departure.
Was Célia right? Really? Was it vengeance driving him to seek custody of Annabelle, because of his own hurt feelings, teaching Meredith a lesson perhaps? Or had he told the truth, that his sole motivation was to protect his sister?
In the dimly lit living room, in a chair that after four hours was uncomfortable, he tried out each different chain of thought, listening to his mind and heart as he felt his way through the morass of his motivations. Reluctantly, Loukis was forced to admit that perhaps it was an unsettling mixture of both. But Célia was right. He had to make sure that he kept his own feelings for his mother out of it. Because Meredith would reveal herself soon enough and the blow to Annabelle would be devastating. Not that it stopped his plans for even a second, Loukis decided. He could at least hope to limit that damage by gaining sole custody and ensure that any interaction with Meredith was kept to a minimum.
The next morning, Loukis surprised her. Not only had he, himself, laid out a breakfast of delicious treats, hot and very strong coffee, but he also appeared to be in a good mood.
After the awkwardness from the night before, it was taking Célia a little longer to adjust to this new, charming fiancé. A dull thud hit her heart as she thought of the word. It hadn’t been the first time that she’d had a near-fiancé. The word conjured images not of Loukis, but of Marc. Of how charming he’d appeared at first, how joyful and exuberant. All things that had disappeared the moment she’d rejected her father’s name, money, and her own burgeoning technical career.
Torn between memories of the past and an unsettling present, it took her a while to realise that Loukis had said something. Or asked something? Because he was looking at her for an answer to some unheard question.
