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He felt the weight of her gaze on him, could almost hear the words.
That’s not what I mean, and you know it.
He bit the inside of his cheek, torn between wanting to explain everything and wanting to bury it all for ever.
‘Samira was six when her family first visited, I was seven and Faizan was eight. We were inseparable, terrorising the palace staff, climbing trees, wreaking havoc...until Faizan had to start taking lessons to prepare for becoming ruler. Then it was just the two of us. It’s lonely being royal. Even attending a central city school, it’s not that easy to make friends who understand the presence of adult guards, or who don’t want to take advantage of who you are or your position. Samira understood it. She understood the constraints of royal life. But where I found it difficult, she seemed to thrive on it. She wanted to use her position to do great things. She would tease me about shirking my responsibilities and I would tease her about taking on too much.’
He missed the sound of her laughter. The way that it had lightened his heart and soothed the ache he felt there. He’d never found it easy being royal, but Samira had borne it with grace and beauty.
‘I’d always thought, hoped...’ He’d hoped so much. ‘Faizan was due to marry the daughter of an ambassador but she ran out just before the announcement, unable to take the weight of public scrutiny. The palace was in an uproar and Abbad... Abbad offered Samira as a replacement. And everyone agreed.’
Without telling him, they had all agreed. Even Samira. Khalif would never forget the moment he’d been told. The sheer incomprehension he’d felt until he’d seen it in her eyes. The sympathy, the silent apology. Even now he felt the wound deep in his heart throb and ache.
‘Had you never told them how you felt about her?’
‘What do you mean?’ he asked.
‘That you loved her.’ Star’s simple words left vibrations in the room that could have cracked the walls.
He could lie and tell her that he hadn’t, but it would break something within him, and he wouldn’t dishonour either Samira or Star like that.
‘I didn’t have to tell them,’ he replied, like he’d not had to tell Star. ‘I did love her—’ the words were both bitter and sweet on his tongue ‘—but the moment she became engaged to Faizan—’
He shook his head, struggling to find the words to describe just how much he’d fought, he’d wrestled and cursed his feelings. ‘After she had Nadya and Nayla, my feelings changed completely. Everything changed. She was different...a mother. She had two beautiful babies who were her sole purpose for being and...’ Everything reallyhadchanged.
‘It must have been incredibly difficult to watch Faizan and Samira marry,’ Star observed.
‘She wanted to marry Faizan,’ he said, knowing the truth of it. ‘She could see how much our parents wanted it. She knew him,likedhim. He was...better—’ Khalif breathed ‘—he was the better man.’
‘He was adifferentman,’ Star stated.
‘You should have met him,’ Khalif replied wryly.
She watched him walk further into the suite, as if somehow dredging up the memories had released the ties holding him back and she was glad. Glad that he’d spoken about Samira. Love should never be something that caused shame or hurt, even if deep down she forced herself to acknowledge a pinprick of jealousy. But it wasn’t as much pain as it was sadness for him.
Because he must have felt so incrediblybetrayed. His family couldn’t have missed his feelings for Samira—ifshecould see them still now. She believed him when he said that his feelings had changed towards her when she had Nadya and Nayla. But even so...her heart ached for him and felt now more than ever that he needed this as much as the girls did. They all needed to come home. To where their hearts had once been.
She took a deep breath and crossed her fingers. ‘I want to finish what they started.’
He stilled, as if he’d been instantly turned to stone.
‘I want to help make this a home for Nadya and Nayla.’
‘I’m really not sure about that,’ he said, turning to face her. She could see the warring in his eyes.
‘I think it would be good for them.’
He nodded reluctantly. ‘I’m not sure what you’re planning to do,’ he said, looking around him as if he wouldn’t have a clue where to start.
‘That’s okay. I have some ideas. Would you like to—?’
‘No. Ask for whatever you need from the staff. Just leave the list in your room.’
When Star didn’t appear for breakfast the next morning, he had his suspicions. When he reached his brother’s suite she was finishing the white undercoat in the hallway that someone had started over three years ago. Her back was to him and every time she reached upward above her head the sleeveless vest she was wearing lifted and he could see a slash of pale skin between the top and the loose linen trousers she wore. And he turned away.
He found an excuse to be at that end of the corridor a few hours later and was surprised by the extent of work she’d achieved. This time he nearly crossed the threshold, but he didn’t.
By the time dinner came around, Star looked happy but about to fall asleep in her food. She had tried to keep up with his questions.
