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“How did everything go?” Noelle asked the moment I sat down. I reached for what I assumed was my glass and took a healthy sip. I frowned and looked at Ana.
She smirked at me. “Oh no, you’re staying sober for this conversation. Just use your imagination. Now, spill. How did shit go?”
I sighed and placed the glass of coke onto the table. I looked into the eyes of my friends and told them the truth.
“It sucked,” I admitted, allowing my eyes to fill with tears. Then I gave them everything. I told them what happened, how I hid in the closet while my friend was brutally murdered, and I did nothing. I told them how we met, that I volunteer at a women’s shelter and most of all, I told them about Byron, everything that happened and about Operation Freedom.
My friends asked a few questions, but for the most part, they remained silent until I was done. An eerie quiet fell around us, each of us deep in thought. I wasn’t sure what they were thinking about. I had a multitude of thoughts and emotions running through my mind. I thought about Ansley, about making Miguel pay for what he’s done. I wondered what my friends thought of me. I didn’t think they would judge me for what I was doing in the dark and my relationship with Byron. I had told them some of what happened, mainly the beating and left for dead part already. But they didn’t know about the other stuff. The Dom/sub thing, how Byron abused me. Regardless, of what they knew and now know, I was sure they had questions.
I had just entrusted them with all of my secrets. A small part of me prayed I wouldn’t resent doing what I’ve done. The smile that slowly crawled along Ayana’s face told me I had nothing to worry about.
“Phoebe Gates… girl, you’ve been holding out big time. I can’t believe this. There’s so much to say. Dammit, I wish I could drink.”
I smiled at my friend. Noelle huffed out a breath and stood.
“Yeah, well, no one told you to get knocked up. I’m going to get me and Phoebe a proper drink. You sip on Phoebe’s coke; I’ll be right back.” Noelle pointed back at us. “Don’t you say anything until I get back or I’ll fucking skin you both alive.”
When Noelle cursed, it was hilarious to hear. It just didn’t fit her, but we also knew when she dropped the ‘F-bomb’, she meant business. So Ayana and I held our tongues until she came back. She sat a glass of Jack and coke in front of me before she re-took her seat.
“Okay, first.” She reached over and clasped my hand with hers. She squeezed and sent me a somber smile. “I’m so sorry about your friend. I know that must have been rough to hear and not be able to do anything.”
“That’s the thing,” I said bitterly. “I had a gun in my hand, I could’ve—”
“No!” Ayana spoke over me; her eyes narrowed on me. “Don’t even finish that sentence. You had no choice but to stay exactly where you were. Ansley knew that, which is why she put you in there and told you to stay. She knew what her man was capable of, what his men were capable of. You wouldn’t have made a difference except to get yourself killed. And let me tell you, if that shit would have happened…” she trailed off and I could see the emotion filling her eyes. It almost caused me to choke on the big fat boulder lodged in my throat. “This city would have burned. Let me just say that. I would have taken that entire family out and no one would have stopped me.”
I cupped her face with a shaky palm, then wrapped my arms around her, giving her the fiercest hug I could. Noelle came around and wrapped her arms around the both of us.
“We are glad you didn’t come out of that closet,” she murmured softly. I hummed a response and squeezed Ayana tighter.
We were all absorbing each other’s strength deep in our emotions when Ayana snickered then said, “That’s what he said.”
Let me just say that my friend is touched.She’s not all there, so please excuse her behavior and poor taste of a joke.
We all froze, and it took us a few seconds to understand the joke and burst out laughing. It was such an awful joke, but we needed to break the heavy emotions floating around us.
We parted, still laughing, wiping at our eyes. We caught the few patrons in the bar looking over at us, shaking their heads. We didn’t care. We laughed our asses off as if it was the funniest joke we had ever heard.
When we could finally catch our breath, I said, “That was so awful.”
“I know it was of poor taste, I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. It just popped into my head,” Ayana explained, hilarity still filling her eyes.
“But seriously, girl, you’ve been through so much,” Noelle stated, wiping her eyes and taking a sip of her drink.
I did the same, but Ayana pondered aloud, her brows furrowing. “Yeah, I can’t believe you’ve kept so much of it to yourself. After everything we’ve shared with you, why would you hold back from us? It’s like we don’t even know you.”
I shook my head as she spoke and gripped her arm fiercely.
“No, please don’t think that. You do know me. Please. I just… I didn’t know how to explain my relationship with Byron. Not that I thought you would judge me. I’m still battling with a lot of self-loathing and guilt. Sometimes I hate myself for allowing him to abuse me the way he had done. That I allowed him to use me and take advantage of me. I had thought he loved me; thought he was my forever. Then to learn that wasn’t the case made me feel stupid. And maybe a small part of me didn’t want you to think the same.”
“We could never think that. Personally, I think you’re crazy brave to give yourself like that to a man,” Ayana charged, shifting away from me, but I stopped her, tightening my grip on her.
“Hey wait a minute. Don’t make it seem like you don’t know anything about that. What do you think you did with Brad? Girl, you saved yourself for that man when you knew he wasn’t doing the same. You had hope and faith that you two would be together despite the odds. Despite the fact that you could have lost him forever, but you never gave up. Do you see the difference? You gave yourself to your soulmate, to the man who God made specifically for you. And no matter what fate threw at you, in the end, God triumphed. You’ve married the love of your life, and you’re having his baby. That’s what I thought I had done, found the love of my life. But I was so confused and lost during that time in my life. I think God knew that and did what he had to do to get me away from him.”
“What do you mean? You think he wanted you to get hurt in order to save you?” Noelle asked, struggling against her anger.
“No, no. That’s not what I’m saying. Okay, so there was a night when Byron wanted to show off in front of his friends. He had me kneeling in front of him with his fellow brothers around us. Let me explain something. A Dom/sub relationship is something sacred and beautiful. It’s a coveted relationship between two people. Rules are established, boundaries talked about and set. There’re things that a sub must agree upon and trust that their Dom has their best interest at heart.”
Ayana waved me off. “Yes, yes we both saw that awful movie.”
