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Goosebumps flooded my skin as he continued. “Your body is mine to conquer, to own.” A kiss to my neck. “Your heart is mine to cherish, to take care of, and to protect. And your soul…” he brought dark eyes to me. “…that’s been mine since the day you took your first breath. So, I don’t know what you’re thinking, if you have a say in all this...” He trapped my face between capable hands and leaned in close. “…but sweetheart you’re just as much mine as I’m yours.”
He kissed me, soft, sweet, his tongue taking over and making my head spin.
I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t when deep down I knew what he said wasn’t true.
“No…please…” I cried out, tearing my lips from his. I stepped away from him, ran my fingers through my hair pushing it away from my face.
I heard him curse but I didn’t turn around to face him. Not yet. I needed more distance between us. I felt myself falling apart, tears falling from my closed eyelids. I willed them to stop, right along with my heart pounding against my chest. I needed to get a hold of myself.
“Hey,” Lock called out, his voice but a whisper against my ear.Hell, when did he come up behind me? I didn’t even hear him or feel him get close.
“Sweetheart, talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
Lock captured my cheek in his palm and turned me to face him. I felt his thumbs brush up against my cheeks, wiping away tears. I opened my eyes to find a blurry, concerned Lock staring down at me.
“How can you say you belong to me when I know that’s not true?”
Yes, it is. Why would I lie about something like that?”
I shook my head, reached up and pulled his hands away from my face. “Please, I can’t… I can’t focus with you touching me like this. I just…can’t. You’re confusing me.” I stepped back until my back hit the wall behind me.
Lock didn’t pursue, instead he stayed where he was, watching me closely.
“Phoebe…”
I took a deep breath and blurted, “No, Lock. Stop. Please.”
“Stop what? What am I doing?”
“Confusing me,” I admitted exasperatedly.
“How am I confusing you?”
“This…” I waved my fingers back and forth, pointing at him then me. “What you’re doing to me. You’re so hot and cold. One minute you’re doing everything to stay away from me. Then the next you’re making me feel as if I’m… I don’t know, the center of your world or something. I just…” I took a deep breath and decided to put myself out there; to lay my cards on the table and hope he didn’t fold and walk away.
“I’m in love with you. You have to know that. You have to see how open I am for you. How moon over ass I am over you. Goodness, I look at you as if you walk on water. I know you’ve seen it, felt it.”
Lock let out a sigh, his shoulders dropping, the tension in his body falling away from him. “Yeah, Phoebe, I’m not going to say that I knew, but I suspected. I just—” he started to say, moving closer to me.
I took a step back and held up my hand. “No, just let me say what I need to say.” I took a deep breath and confessed, “I have all of these feelings for you and it hurts that you don’t feel the same way. That I can’t have you all to myself. The real you.”
“What do you think you’ve been getting? You think I’ve been playing with you? That I’m playing games or some shit?”
“No, I’m not saying that.”
“Then what you are you saying?”
“Argh… You say that I have you, but that’s not true. I don’t have all of you.Shehas all of you.Shehas your heart.”
“Who?” He argued back, his voice raising an octave showing me his frustration.
I showed him mine. “Your wife!” I yelled back. “You may be here in body, but your heart is still in the past.”
“Is that what you think?”
“That’s what I know.” I then paused to catch my breath and to get my thoughts in order. What I wanted to say next would be the test of everything. I would get the answers to my questions, unfortunately there was a chance that I wouldn’t like the answers. Was I ready for that? Probably not.
“Tell me this,” I went on to say. “Can you picture yourself being with someone other than your wife, the woman you say was the love of your life. Because let me tell you, based on the pictures I saw, and being with you, I don’t think you’re capable.”
