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Because it wouldn’t last. It couldn’t last.
Her hand was on his leg, and the light spilled in from the streets outside. It made her look even prettier, which shouldn’t have been possible.
It also illuminated that great bloody boulder she wore on her hand. The ring that reminded him that she wasn’t his. That this was an interlude from her real life. That she’d come here because she knew exactly what she was getting herself into with this marriage her father wanted, and this was her last chance to taste how the other half lived before she surrendered to it.
He knew her too well. She might come to the other side of the globe to experiment, but she was going to go straight back. Jenny was going to lock herself away in her lonely little life, by choice. She was going to stay there, getting more brittle and far away by the year. He could see it all spin out in front of him.
She was never going to give him what he wanted from her.
Everything had changed and nothing had changed.
And at least Dylan could say he’d chosen his own ruin. At least he had that.
That was what he told himself when they arrived at his house. She was still so sleepy that he had to lift her into his arms, then carry her inside, the way he’d longed to do a million times before.
He didn’t take her into the guest room. He headed up the stairs to the master bedroom instead, because he could feel time slipping away from them. And he didn’t want to waste any of it. He lay her out on his big wide bed and helped her off with her clothes. He expected her to wake up, but she didn’t. She murmured something when she was naked, then curled up on her side, burying her face in his pillow.
Dylan didn’t have it in him to pretend that he was anything but shaken.
He didn’t have to pretend, because she was asleep. And he could take the opportunity to acknowledge that for all he’d tried his best to scare her off, or prepare her, he was the one who was losing it. Who’d already lost it. Who could do nothing but sit in a chair next to his own bed, staring at this woman who was every single one of his dreams come true.
Only while she slept, unknowing, could he think about the fact that she’d obeyed him completely. That he’d fit inside her, perfectly. There had been no wincing in pain. No adjustments.
It was as if Lady Jenny Markham had been put on this earth for the express purpose of taking his cock deep inside of her.
Dylan knew that not a single one of those little wankers who’d put their hands on her before him had ever treated her like that. They’d bored her silly. They’d made her imagine she was frigid when she couldn’tstopcoming.
She was supposed to be his.
Dylan had known that from the start. And he’d already spent a lifetime seeing her when he closed his eyes, so tonight, he didn’t want to.
He wanted his eyes wide open. He didn’t want to miss a single moment.
The way she breathed. The way she looked in his bed.
The way her face softened. The way she trusted him this much.
Dylan wanted all of it.
Because none of it was ever going to be enough. And it was more than he deserved. It was as if he’d only just found her, and he had to let her go.
The real problem was, he didn’t know if he had it in him.
How could he possibly let her go when he knew, now? Exactly how good it really was. Far, far better than he’d dared imagine. And he had an epic, detailed, innovative imagination.
So Dylan sat where he was. He didn’t move. He let the night grow later and later, the hour smaller and smaller, and he didn’t care when his eyes began to feel gritty and his body began to protest.
He stayed where he was, because he wanted every single second of this. Every last second.
When Jenny’s eyes fluttered open, hours later, she looked around in confusion for a moment, then landed on him.
And smiled automatically, big and sleepy.
This is how you’ll do it, mate,he told himself.You’ll do it for her. You’ll make her smile and wave her off.
And he’d deal with the fallout later. When she’d gone.
When she was finally lost to him forever.
