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The words spilling from her lips were truthful, Noah had to give her that much. But hearing them out in the open so brashly, and fromhermouth instead of his own, grated on him.
“Well, then, we are in an agreement. I’m pleased,” he grumbled as the music began to quicken.
Saoirse drew her hand out of his and stepped back, pushing aside the arm around her waist. “We are. Now, if ye’ll excuse me, I havenae had a bite to eat all day, M’Laird.” Those last two words sounded like a curse to Noah’s ears.
Without waiting, she turned on her heel and marched to their table. A rush of embarrassment flooded him as he realized he was on the dance floor without a partner. The crowd of guests leaned to the nearest person, mouths flapping with whispered gossip.
Pursing his lips tight, Noah followed Saoirse to their table and sat beside her.
“Are ye tryin’ to make a fool of me?” he growled behind the rim of a quaich that brimmed with sweet mead.
Her lips curled at the corners as her steely gaze bore into him. “Of course nae, M’Laird. What makes ye think that?”
“Ye left before the music ended.” His eyes shifted about the room. There was no doubt that the “happy” couple were being observed. He could feel the revelers’ judgmental gazes on him like hot pokers searing his soul.
Saoirse shrugged, picking meat from a pheasant leg. “If this is nothin’ more than a marriage of convenience to ye, then why does it matter if the music was still playin’? Ye held up yer part and gave me my tradition. We danced. I’ll nae expect anythin’ more from ye tonight. Enjoy the feast my family has presented ye. Enjoy everythin’ they pour in yer cup. After all, there’s nae reason to create a spectacle, just as ye said.”
Noah’s mouth dropped. Never in all his years of being around women had he ever heard one speak so boldly. Slowly, he leaned back in his chair as Saoirse rose to her feet, taking her pheasant leg with her. She offered him a mocking curtsy and turned her back, walking away. He tracked her with his eyes as she flowed through the crowd, quickly getting lost among them.
“I must say, that is one feisty lass ye have there. Ye sure ye can keep up wit’ her?” Scott teased as he slipped into the empty seat beside Noah. He reached for his master’s quaich and stole a sip from it before setting it back down.
Noah downed what was left. “This is just a ploy. She’s only this brave because she’s wit’ her family. Ye’ll see. Her tune will change when I take her back to my home in the mornin’.”
“The festivities are to last three days,” Scott reminded him with an amused smile, but Noah refused to abide by any more ridiculous traditions.
“There’s nay need for festivities when there’s naught to celebrate,” he declared. “She kens where I stand on this marriage. And seein’ how she doesnae want to pretend either, what’s the point of stayin’ here and puttin’ on a performance? Nay, ‘tis better to nip any pretense in the bud and begin our lives as they’ll be from now on. So, drink up but nae too heavily—we’ve a long ride when the sun rises.”
* * *
Saoirse hugged herself, the instant she knew she was alone. The small nook of space between the Great Hall and the council chamber had always been her secret place to go to. Any time she was scolded by her father, or reprimanded by her mother, she came here, to this little hiding spot that could swallow her for a while.
Tears slipped down her cheeks as her face burned. Her chest hurt and her body was numb. Not even in childhood had she ever been so humiliated. She knew exactly what everyone would be thinking after she had stepped away from their dance, layering shame on top of the moment he had refused to kiss her. But she didn’t much care about them, not really. It was the look of despair and anguish on her mother’s face and the apprehension on her sisters’ faces that would haunt her for the rest of her days.
I never should’ve done this. I should’ve trusted my heart when it started beatin’ like a trapped bird.She picked at the wall that faced her, hunching her back against the distant noise of the celebrations.
“I kenned I’d find ye here.” Anna’s sympathetic voice arrived a second or two before she did.
Saoirse glanced over her shoulder, hastily wiping the tears from her eyes as her sister crouched behind her and wrapped her arms around her. The comfort of Anna’s embrace almost broke her.
“I suppose it’s definitely too late to run now?” Saoirse whispered, covering Anna’s arms with her own.
Time was slipping away fast. Soon, she would have to leave behind the only people she cared about, to live in a far-off place, surrounded by strangers. There wouldn’t be anyone in her new home to comfort her, nor would she have her special nook to flee to. No, she would be tossed into turbulent waters that threatened to drown her very spirit.
“It’ll get better,” Anna whispered back as she stroked her sister’s hair.
“Nay, it willnae. He told me plainly what I am to him. Nothin’. He wants an heir and that is all, promisin’ that there would be nay love between us. I doubt I can even expect a tiny morsel of affection.”
“Hush now,” Anna cooed, turning Saoirse’s face toward her and resting their foreheads together. “All will work itself out. The storm clouds may block the sun every once in a while but it cannae rain forever. The sun will find a way to peek through, ye’ll brighten and flourish in its shine, and ye’ll find ye have everythin’ ye need.”
Saoirse wished she could believe that, but what her sister didn’t seem to realize was that Noah wasthe storm, not the marriage. Wherever he went, the black clouds would follow, and she was now trapped at his side. Forever in the icy downpour of his disdain.
Brushing her thumb over Saoirse’s cheek, Anna cleared away the tears. Mustering a brave smile, Saoirse stared at her older sister, wondering if she ever felt this way at her wedding.
“Was it this way for ye?”
Anna dropped her hands from Saoirse’s face and grabbed her hands, pulling her up. “Come along,” she urged, not answering the question. “Tonight, the music plays for ye. Daenae care about tomorrow—it’ll be here soon enough and ye’ll pick yer way through it, step by step, hour by hour. But ye must enjoy these golden moments when they’re before ye, nae matter how small. That’s how ye’ll get through this. One little moment at a time. Live in it, embrace it, and find the cracks where the sun cuts through.”
Saoirse swallowed hard and gave a stiff nod. “Ye’re right. I cannae let him steal my joy from me, such as it is. Come, let us dance until we fall.”
