AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head, but I'm glad he isn't able to read me, because I'm very upset at these thoughts going through myhead.
"You're blocking me," he says, and it's more an accusation than a statement offact.
"If I am, I don't knowhow."
He pulls me closer. I don't feel him in my mind. I just feel this pain and it brings tears to my eyes rather than stoppingthem.
He looks down and sees my fists and takes one hand, opens it. I've been digging my nails into my palms so hard, the corner of one nail has broken theskin.
"You'rebleeding."
He looks in my eyes. Then he leans down and licks my palm, licks the blood and the touch of his tongue on the wound takes the pain away. Then he comes flooding in, all concern and panic and fear and I know that I've found one of myblocks.
"Oh, God no," he says, closing his eyes. "Notpain."
That confirms it. I can use pain to block him from reading my mind just as I've used pain to block things from entering my mind for so manyyears.
"Don't do this. Don't block me, Eve.Don't…"
"You said I'd find my blockseventually."
"But not so soon. Not until we're ready. UntilI'mready." He hangs his head, running his hands through his hair. When he looks up at me again, his eyes are filled with pain. "I need access to you, Eve. Can't you understand that? I need to know how you are, to know when you're ready and when you'renot."
"Ready for what?" I say, angered. "There are other ways to tellthat…"
"No," he says, grimacing. "Not sex. To be myAdept."
"I think you want access to me. Maybe you'll have to trust me to tell you how Iam."
"You won't. I already know that. You lie all the time, Eve. You lie to yourself. You lie to me. If you block me, I can only guess what you're really feeling andthinking."
His words hurt me. I do lie a lot. I lie to myself, just like he says. I have to in order to get through myday.
"You said something about genies and bottles that applieshere."
"And you said all in, Eve. This isn't all in. It's only partial if you blockme."
I just look at him, and I do feel sorry for his anguish, but what can Isay?
"I can't say I won't block you at times. It would be a lie and I don't want to lie to you. I'll try to only block things you don't need to know, like when I have menstrual cramps or something embarrassing, like if the broccoli didn't agree with me and I have gas. You don't need to know those kinds ofthings."
I smile, flashing him some dimple in the hopes it brings him out of this darkness, but I'm lying even now because I know I'll block him when I don't want him to know how Iam.
My smile doesn't lighten his mood. He wants free access, he wants to reach out any time and read me, know my emotions and thoughts. Now he won't be able to and it scares him. He doesn'tsmile.
* * *
Chapter 22
"We haveto distrust each other. It is our only defense againstbetrayal."
TennesseeWilliams
"It wasn't my fault," I say. "I wasn't trying to block you. I was just upset and it happened without me trying. Don't be mad atme."
"I'm not mad at you, Eve," he says softly and moves closer to me. He leans down and nuzzles my neck. "I'm afraid foryou."
"What are you so afraid of?" I squeeze hishand.
