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"Don't!" I say. "I want to feel my emotions." But he grabs my arm again and squeezes.
"Michel wouldn't want you to cry.Idon't want you to cry." And then my grief fades once more. I just sit there, like an emotionless zombie, staring at Julien as he wipes my tears away. "We can't do anything to change this. Michel knew it would cost us. Eve, Soren isn't just any old vampire. He's an Ancient. They're not of this world. Your vampire hunter skills? Useless."
"Why? Are they faster?"
"They're metamorphs. They can transform at will. You think you've got them? They dematerialize."
"Is that where the vampires turning into fog myth comes from?"
He nods, his face so grim that I'm afraid.
"They have to have a weakness," I say. I dig my nails into my palms, and the pain is short and sharp and I know Julien won't be able to read me as long as the pain lasts. In those brief moments, I make a commitment to myself. I don't care what Michel forbids or what Julien demands. I'll find a way to kill Soren. I'll find a way to kill him and get Michel back.
Julien grabs my hands and pries my fists open. My nails have dug into my palm in three places, drawing blood.
He clucks his tongue. "You won't be able to keep it up forever, Eve. Pain takes a lot of energy and will eventually exhaust you so I'll find out any plans you have in place." He pulls the wound up to his mouth and tongues it and I fight him, trying to jerk my hand away but of course, he's stronger and he does it anyway.
"Don't you do that!' I say, angry that he's doing what Michel did. "Don't try to be Michel. You aren't him."
"I know that only too well," he says and lifts his head from my hand. He has the characteristic red-rimmed eyes and huge pupils of the hunter feeding, his teeth long, his mouth stained with my blood. He licks his lips and just stares at me, not smiling, his face a little terrifying in its feral expression.
"I didn't want this," he says, his face slowly returning to normal. "Michel didn't want this, but we're brothers first. He saved my life many times and I've saved his. He wouldn't want Soren to have you so that he could go free. Hegaveyou to me."
"He can't just give me away," I say, horrified. "I'm not a possession you can exchange."
"Yes, you are," Julien says, his brow furrowed. "Get this straight, Eve. We're predators. You're prey. You're an Adept, which makes you valuable. You will be claimed by someone. Better you were claimed by me than Luke. Being my possession saved your life just now."
Then I reach up and touch the mark on my neck. There are two wounds where teeth have penetrated my skin.
"I'm not yours. I'm Michel's. He came to me in the night. Why didn't I see this when I got ready today?"
He doesn't say anything.
"Michel did come to me in the night." I say again. "If he did, he can come any time."
"Once Soren knew you were alive, one of us had to claim you. Michel wanted to delay claiming you, but he was wrong. It put you more at risk. He didn't come to you, Eve. I did. I had to do it. "
"Youwhat?" My blood feels as if it's turned to ice. "Then you raped me because I didn't give you consent."
He shakes his head.
"I didn't. I gave you a nice dream of Michel so you'd be happy. I did it for your protection and it's a good thing, too, considering Luke took you. If you'd been unclaimed, you'd be his now and there'd be nothing I could do about it. Even now, he's stronger than I am."
I look away and close my eyes, the reality that any vampire can just hack into my mind and affect my dreams unsettling.
"I feel like some pawn in this game of power you and Michel are playing."
"Not a pawn, Eve. The queen."
I frown. In chess, the queen is the most powerful piece.
"Eve," he says and leans closer. "This isn't about what you want or what any of us want. This is about what has to be. This was the price we had to pay to keep Soren from claiming you. As soon as he knew Michel had you, he wanted you."
"Why is he doing this to you?"
"You read parts of the manuscript. Michel killed Marguerite. Soren's used that over the years to get much out of us but in truth, the debt will never be repaid. No human life, not even a powerful Adept, can equal that of an Ancient's progeny. Not even my life."
"Why?"
