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Julien moves my legs over and buckles me up when I fumble with the latch.
"What's so funny?" he asks, smiling.
"I am," I say, my mouth feeling all cottony. I watch him as he sits back and looks at me from beneath hooded eyes. "I'm so naïve."
"Oh, youare," he says and leans over to me, his arm around my shoulder. He plays with a lock of my hair. "I like that. I like the prospect of teaching you the ways of the world, Eve. I like the idea of slowly but ever so surely corrupting you."
The car stops at the warehouse. Julien helps me out, his arm around me. We go up the elevator in silence.
Once inside, he turns on the banks of lights so that the entire floor is brightly lit. He pulls me against him after shooing Vasily downstairs.
He takes me in his arms and tries to kiss me, and part of me wants to just give in but I don't. I dig my fingers into my palm. He presses his lips against mine and holds them there, but I don't respond.
He lets go and just stands there, looking away. He doesn't say anything for a moment, his hands on his hips staring at the apartment. Finally he turns to me.
"You wanted to be with me the other night. You want to now." He shakes his head. "Just have sex with me."
"And if I say no?"
"Why would you say no?"
Now it's my turn to shake my head.
"If someone offers me a line of cocaine, I'd say no. Why? Because it would hurt me."
"You see?" he says, throwing his hands up. "That's where you're wrong. You need to say yes to experiences. How can you know what's good and what's bad unless you try?" He walks in a circle as if he feels trapped. "Do nothing, risk nothing, choose nothing, and nothing is your responsibility. Being 'good' is not really your choice if you never actually make it. If you never really know what's bad – really know – and choose not to do it."
"I don't have to do something bad to know it's bad."
"Eve, how can pleasure be bad?" He stands there, his hands extended to me. "How can having sex with me be bad?"
I'm unable to comprehend how he can't comprehend.
"Because," I say, turning away. "You'll break my heart. I don't need to have it broken to know that."
He grabs me by the arms and turns me to face him.
"Then break your heart. At least then you'll know you have one. Isn't that why you cut yourself? Because you turned off when you were a girl and now you need pain to feel anything other than a desire for revenge?"
"Why did you leave without saying anything?"
There. I said it. Having that last glass of wine was a mistake – I knew it was, but I did it anyway. It's the story of my life since I met him and his brother.
He lets go of me.
"That's what all this is about? Because I didn't leave you a little note saying,'Dear Eve, Off for a week. Hugs and kisses, you're in a state?"
"Would it have hurt to do something?"
He takes my coat off and hangs it up, takes his own off and does likewise. Then he grabs my hand.
"Come here," he says and brings me over to the seating area, pulling my down on his lap, my legs straddling him, my arms on his shoulders. Moving so fast makes me dizzy and I have to hold my head for a moment.
"Eve," he says, lifting my chin so I have to try to focus on his face. "I went out of town for important business. Yes, I do actually work. It really doesn't matter why I left. I leave when I have to. I didn't know I'd have to leave for a week at the time. Something came up. An opportunity – one that yielded some good information. I didn't have time to come up and leave you a note. And you can't expect me to. You can't expect anything from me."
He nods, forcing me to look in his eyes.
"You understand?Nothing." He holds my gaze and I fight to remain in control. "Nothing except a nice big juicy hard-on and a very willing tongue."
