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Chapter 20
Natalie
I was coming out of the store with Ethan when I heard someone call my name.
“Natalie!”
It was one of the mothers from Ethan’s new play school. He’d started going a few weeks ago, upon the advice of his new psychologist. We had found a school that accommodated children on the spectrum, and it was going well so far. He even seemed to be making friends.
“Oh, hi,” I said, trying to remember the mother’s name.
“We missed you at the party on Saturday.”
“Party?”
“Leo’s party? Don’t tell me you forgot?”
“That was this Saturday? Oh, no!” I thought Leo’s party was only in two weeks’ time.
“I can’t believe I forgot about it! I’m so embarrassed!” I tried laughing it off, but I was mortified.
“I’m sure there will be another party soon,” the mom said reassuringly. Then she looked at me more closely.
“Actually, are you ok?”
“I’m fine, thank you!” What was the woman’s name? It bothered me that I couldn’t remember it. Ethan was starting to wander off and I ran after him.
“Do you want to grab a coffee maybe?” she asked.
“I have to get him home, but thanks!” I said, quickly taking Ethan’s hand even though I knew he didn’t like to be touched.
As we drove back home, I thought about how nice it would have been to talk to someone. There were so many things weighing on my mind, and I’d been bottling it all up inside. To begin with, there was Tucker, who’d gone traveling and was supposed to have come back weeks ago. He hadn’t called me, and I didn’t know what he was getting up to. No news was not good news.
Then there was Sam.
He’d been working more lately, coming home later each evening. I knew he was worried about some things happening at the office, and I could feel him withdrawing from me, becoming more distant. He was always on his phone, frowning. We hadn’t been off on one of our cycling trips in such a long time. We still had dinner together, but we talked less, and I could see he was thinking about work.
Perhaps I had grown complacent about him, taking our relationship for granted. But things had been going so well. The holiday in California had been glorious. I’d never been so happy. I knew he felt the same and I didn’t want to think that anything had changed. I hoped it was just work. But Sam was his company, if there was any trouble there at all, he would take it personally. I wanted to remind him of the things he’d said to me when we started seeing each other, how he’d promised to work less. But he was not working as much as he had before and he continued to hold me every night in bed, and we made love often.
Whatever was going on at work would pass, I told myself. Then we could be together, and it would be like it was in the beginning. I couldn’t help noticing how often Dana called him these days and how he always had time to talk to her. These things bothered me, and I didn’t want to talk about them to any of my friends. I knew they would think Sam was getting up to his old tricks and I didn’t want to believe it. My mind was distracted, and I started losing track of things, forgetting dates like Leo’s party. The other day I had left the store with a candy bar in my hand. The security guard, a huge man with a heavy baton had stopped me at the door, saying, “You gonna pay for that?” pointing at my hand. Only when I looked down, did I see the candy bar in my hand. I was lucky. People got arrested for much less.
I was eating more, and this was a problem too. I didn’t want to gain weight. I knew Sam believed in being healthy and slim. I’d never struggled with food before, but I was a comfort eater and I’d noticed myself craving more sweets lately.
Then one day, the unthinkable happened.
I somehow mixed up the time that I was supposed to fetch Ethan from school. I’m not sure how that happened. But when I arrived at the school and asked for Ethan, I was told he’d already been fetched hours ago.
“But I thought he finished at one o’clock!” I said, checking my watch to ensure I had the right time.
The teacher looked at me strangely. “We had sent out messages that we’d close early today due to teacher’s meeting. We asked for responses to acknowledge parents had received the messages. All parents responded.”
A teacher’s meeting? Had I forgotten about that?
“Where is Ethan now?” I asked.
“Someone came to fetch him.”
“Who?”
