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“Daria, please,” Yanna whispered. “You have to stop hurting yourself like this. He’s engaged, Dar. You can’t wait keep waiting for him to come back—-”
“But not married,” Daria said tightly. Nik wasn’t yet married. She could feel it in her bones, and surely that meant—-
Alyx quashed all her hopes with four words. “But he will be!”
Her chest heaved as the truth was forced on her. Don’t cry, don’t cry—-
“You have to forget him,” Yanna pleaded.
“I can’t.” The words were torn out of her. She raised her head, looked at her friends with eyes that weren’t allowed to cry. “I wish I could...” She groped for words. “I loved him. And he loved me. I wish there was a way to explain how right things felt between us, it was so right.”
“But he chose someone else over you,” Alyx protested. “It’s over between you—-”
She shook her head stubbornly. “No. It’s not.” It can’t be. What she and Nik had was special. Every beat of her heart told her so, and she knew it to be true even if everyone thought she was being fanciful or delusional.
“I just need to wait,” Daria whispered. But what she really meant, what she was really doing, she knew she could never tell them.
Ever since she left Teleios, she had punished herself. Every day, she punished herself by not allowing herself to cry, to remember, or to even feel.
She kept punishing herself, believing with all her heart that if she suffered just enough, maybe God would take pity on her and give Daria another chance.
When Alyx and Yanna had left, it was only because Daria had promised to at least take a shower and leave the room so she wouldn’t drive herself crazy with misery.
Fair enough, she thought. She needed to keep her sanity intact anyway. If she were crazy, how would she know if her punishment had ended and she was given another chance?
Silly, silly thoughts, but Daria embraced each and every one of them. If she had allowed herself to be realistic, she would never have gotten this far without breaking down.
After taking a shower, Daria forced herself to go to her table and open her laptop. While she hadn’t any pending commissions, she did owe people emails. The idea of having to lie about why she hadn’t been able to answer them right away was depressing, almost tempting her to just click Select All and Delete on all unread messages.
Two clicks, and her inbox would have a fresh new start. The idea became even more tempting, but she managed not to give in. This was another punishment, she reminded herself doggedly. This was another way to get her second chance. Or her twenty-ninth. Or thirtieth. She wasn’t really sure how to count it.
Squaring her shoulders, Daria clicked on the first unopened message and started to read. Hours passed, but even when she had to stand up and shake some life back into her limbs, she still had two pages of unopened emails to read.
No quitting, Daria told herself. If she didn’t want Nik to quit on her, she couldn’t quit on this either.
So she went back to her seat and resumed clicking. When she moved to the last page of unread emails, the first one she clicked on was her reward.
It was a message offering her a job in New York City.
NYC...where Nik and Miranda lived.
