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She didn’t want to hurt Seth; I knew that, but she was killing herself in the process.
It wasn’t until Seth grabbed a stupid ass kid’s bear mask and shoved it on his face, making bear noises at Bailey that she laughed, her mood brightening a little. And because Seth was desperate to keep her smiling, the fucker wore it all over the store until we had everything we needed.
And then, the two of us kept her smiling as we took turns feeding her at the restaurant we went to. We both knew tomorrow could be completely different, that her mood could plummet at any given time, and we were both determined to see her smile for as long as we could.
One day, maybe we would get her to smile effortlessly again.
11
Bailey
“You sure you’re good, babe?” Seth asked me as he flipped through the channels on the TV. I was laying with my head on his chest, and his free arm was wrapped around me, holding me to him as much as he could with my stupid belly in the way.
I shrugged. “Am I ever good?” I asked him in all honesty. I sighed when he just looked down at me, wanting a real answer. “I feel mostly normal—my normal.”
He frowned. “I hate that I broke you, baby girl. It’ll always be my biggest regret.” I swallowed thickly, staring down at his bare chest. “I never wanted to hurt you like this. I thought I was doing what was best. Never thought I could be a good dad or a good man to you. I’m pretty fucked up.” He shook his head. “I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have run. I was a fucking coward.”
“No one can fault you,” I said quietly, though my heart still broke a little every time I thought about him turning his back on me and fucking every girl that would spread her legs for him after we broke up.
He snorted. “Everyonecan fault me, Bailey. All you wanted to do was help me, and I struck a fucked-up deal with you, took your virginity, fucking knocked you up, and then, I fuckingran.”
I ripped my eyes from his toned chest and stared up at him, my heart painfully beating in my chest. I hated seeing him hurting like this. “Seth—”
He shook his head. “No, baby. Don’t save my feelings just because you think you need to.” He sat up and cupped my face in his hands. “I’m going to fix this—somehow. I’m going to make it so you shine every fucking day again, just like you did when we first got together. You always used to glow so prettily, and Imissit. I love every part of you, baby girl, but I just wish I hadn’t been the one to turn your world so dark.”
Tears glittered in my eyes. “You bring color to my life, Seth,” I croaked.
A sad smile pulled at his lips, breaking my heart. I hated seeing him hurting like this. “But you used to see color all by yourself before I darkened your vision.”
A tear slid down my cheek. “I still love you,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “You know that, right?”
He brushed his lips with mine so tenderly that my heart screamed in agony for him and everything that was broken between us. “And I still love you,” he swore. “My world begins and ends with you, Bailey.” He drew in a deep breath, his eyes connecting with mine. “But I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to you.”
* * *
I steppedinto the training room. Seth had fallen asleep during our movie, but after our small talk earlier, I hadn’t been able to close my eyes.
All I could picture in my head every time I did was Seth’s tormented eyes.
“You good, baby?” Stephen asked me. He sat up on the bench he was on, looking up at me as he rested his elbows on his knees.
Tears welled in my eyes. “No,” I croaked. He held his hand out to me, and I moved toward him, allowing him to pull me down on his lap so I was straddling him. He brushed away a tear as it ran down my cheek.
“Talk to me, baby girl,” Stephen coaxed, his hand running up and down my spine.
I sniffled. “I didn’t know Seth was hurting so much over what happened between us, and I hate that I can’t just revert back to normal to make him feel better.”
Stephen shook his head. “That’s not your job, baby.Hehurtyou.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he pressed his finger to my lips. I slowly shut my mouth again, a deep frown pulling at my lips. “Yes, I love my little brother, and I don’t like to see him hurting either, but he has to come to terms with what he did on his own time. It’s not your job to help fix him, not when you’re the victim.”
Tears rushed down my cheeks. “I love him too much to bear seeing him hurting like this,” I cried.
Stephen held me close to his sweaty, broad chest and cradled the back of my head as I cried on his shoulder, my face turned into the crook of his neck. “He loves you, Bailey. Nothing in this world means more to him than you. And when he realized that, what he did to you has weighed on him since. And again, baby girl, it is not your job to fix him.”
“I just want to help him,” I cried.
Stephen ran his hand over my hair and turned his head to press his lips to the corner of mine. It was our thing—he always did this. “Then help him by focusing on your own mental health, Bailey,” Stephen told me gently. “I promise, that’s the greatest gift you can give him. Focus on bettering yourself. I know you’ll never be better—none of us are—but you can take steps to learn how to cope. Right now, you’re just allowing yourself to drown.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know how,” I whispered.
