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It didn’t take long for Bailey’s health to deteriorate. Within the first two weeks of Bailey and the baby, Kira, being home, Bailey drastically dropped weight. She wasn’t eating, and she wasn’t sleeping.
Seth and I both tried to help by taking care of Kira as much as possible, but Bailey wasn’t having it. She wanted to try.
And it was killing her.
“Baby girl, let me take care of Kira for a little while so you can get some rest,” I tried coaxing when I stepped into the living room. She was in the recliner feeding Kira.
Bailey shook her head at me. “I’ve got this.” But fuck, she looked so tired, so miserable. She’d wanted to try breastfeeding, but she couldn’t stay nourished enough to do so. She’d cried all day after that, trying to force food down her throat, but she just threw it back up, her body rejecting it.
She was going to break if she kept going on like this.
I knew she was trying to be what she thought a good mom needed to be, but she would do Kira a lot more good if she would just focus on healing and coping first.
Seth was at school. He’d taken off the time that he could, but I knew professors were only so lenient, and he needed to focus on his college education. This was part of the reason we had agreed to buy a house together in the first place. It was so Bailey would always have someone with her.
Trent walked through the door. I looked up in surprise. “Thought you had to work,” I commented.
He shook his head. “Took the day off. Gut feeling.” I frowned. He looked at Bailey, his own frown pulling at his lips. He looked back at me, but I just shook my head at him.
She wasn’t letting me help.
He walked over to his little sister, and I watched as he crouched in front of Bailey. “Hey, little sis, you look like you need some rest.”
She clenched her jaw. “I want to take care of my daughter. Can I just fucking do that?” My heart clenched in my chest because I could see the lost look in her eyes. She was confused. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t just be the mom she thought she was supposed to be. She didn’t understand the emotions swirling inside of her when she was holding Kira.
Trent kept his gaze steady with hers. “You want to take care of her, Bailey, or are you just trying to make up for the fact that you’re struggling to love her like you think you should?”
Ah, fuck.
Seth had warned me that while Trent was soothing with her and was her rock, he was also brutally honest with her, and I was terrified that brutal honesty would send her over the edge.
“Go fuck yourself, Trent,” she seethed, tears glittering in her eyes.
“Well?” he asked her, ignoring what she’d said. “Your daughter needs you one hundred percent, Bailey. She doesn’t need this fifty percent bullshit you’re trying to shove at her. You need to focus on yourself—learn to love yourself—before you can love her.”
Her chest heaved. “You don’t know what it’s like, Trent,” she seethed, a tear sliding down her cheek. Kira finished her bottle, and Bailey began to burp her, her eyes glittering with tears and anger. “Sheneedsme.”
“I never said she didn’t, Bailey,” Trent told her, his eyes never leaving hers. “I said she needs you one hundred percent, not just fifty.”
Kira burped and then began to cry, most likely needing a diaper change or a nap. And that did it.
The crying sent Bailey over the edge.
“I don’t know what I’m always doing wrong!” she cried, pulling Kira away from her shoulder. “I don’t know why she keeps crying all the time! I’m doing everything right!”
I quickly moved forward and took Kira from her, quieting her instantly. Upon seeing that, Bailey just screamed. She screamed and screamed, her fists balled up in her lap, tears streaking down her cheeks.
She jumped up from the chair, and Trent moved quickly, grabbing her from behind and forcing her to sink to the floor with him. She punched and hit him, continuing to scream like she was losing her mind.
I was pretty sure she was.
“Call 9-1-1,” Trent ordered, but my phone was already in my hand, dialing the number. Something was seriously wrong.
As soon as I was notified paramedics were on the way, I called Seth, bouncing Kira around the room as she cried in tempo with her screaming mother.
“What the fuck is going on?!” Seth shouted into the phone.
“Bailey’s lost it,” I told him honestly. “Get home.”
